Ley Lines
by gre7g
Summary: Love and monsters in the world of darkness. The chapters are pretty short since it was originally posted as a daily serial.
1. Thursday, March 23rd

**Thursday, March 23****rd**

Unusual day today. Nothing seemed to work at work. Everyone was in a pissy mood. I could feel myself shrouded in a cloud of gloom when I got home.

The sun was going down, and although I didn't stop to watch the sunset, I did notice the brilliant reds and oranges that lit up the building as I walked from my car. The light was bouncing off a window somewhere and a thin, dim line of deep violet cut across the sidewalk before the stoop at a slight angle. I paused for half a moment before heading upstairs.

The wood floors creaked happily, and the sound of my footsteps on the stairs mixed with the laughter from one of the neighborhood kids. Jazz drifted lazily out of an open door at the end of the hall and I stopped to sniff at the spicy scent of Mrs. Chin's dinner.

By the time that I had tossed my jacket on a chair and popped a beer from the 'fridge, the world seemed all right again and the smile that I had misplaced this morning found its way home.

I dusted off a small canvas that I had stretched last year and broke out the oil paints. On a whim, I popped 'Ode to Joy' into the CD player and threw on the headphones. Usually, when I'm sitting around, I just listen to modern rock, but I hadn't painted for myself in a very long time, and when I do, I want inspiration, so I crank the tunes up _loud_.

Didn't really _create_ anything, just played with color, mostly violets. Purple is a color of royalty, of nobility, of power. Violet is the most energetic color that humans can perceive. I glanced out the window as I strained to remember the color I had seen on my way into the building. The sun was already down and nighttime had claimed the streets. With a shrug, I returned to my painting.

After a while, I glanced down at my watch and noticed that it was almost eleven. Where had the evening gone? My stomach ached from having skipped dinner, and I looked back to study what I had created.

Much of the canvas was still raw. A thick, black cable snaked across the cloth. It crackled with life and power, spitting sparks of brilliant white at anyone careless enough to walk near. It radiated a gleam of grandeur, a gleam of violet.


	2. March 24th to March 25th

**Friday, March 24****th**

Got home early today and decided to go jogging. It was a perfect day for it, just warm enough to make you feel like getting out and just crisp enough to make you feel alive. Didn't go too far, only about a mile or so. Just enough to get my blood flowing without reminding me of how much I hate to exercise.

The sun was setting as I walked the last few feet to the apartment building. The sky wasn't as orangy as it must have been yesterday. Instead it was a beautiful gradient from blue to black. I watched the sky for a moment or two and scanned the night's canvas for stars.

My feet were tired, so I turned to head back in, and noticed the thin, dim line on the sidewalk that I had seen yesterday. I glanced around to find what it was that the sunlight was striking, but never did figure out the source.

**Saturday, March 25****th**

Spent today trying to finish all those little errands that stack up over the course of the week. Went to the bank, the post office, shopping for clothes, bought groceries, and made it home just in time for sunset.

I stared at the line on the pavement for a moment, with grocery sacks still in my arms. Had I hurried home to get here at just this moment, or was fate stringing me along on some unknown path?

I stepped over to the line, and put my shoe down across it, hoping to determine from which direction the light was coming, but my shoe didn't seem to cast a shadow either way. I stepped back and then forward again, this time cutting the line at a different point. Same results.

I looked up, figuring that perhaps the light was being reflected from a second story window. Mrs. Chin was standing at the top of the stairs, and smiled down at me when I looked her way.

"Hello, Alex," she said. "What are you doing?"

I smiled that sheepish grin that people only use when they are caught doing something silly. "I was just trying to figure out where this light is coming from…" I explained as I gestured with my foot along the length of the line.

"Light?" she asked and took a step closer. She squinted her eyes. "What light?"

Suddenly, a child's cry split the air, and Mrs. Chin looked heavenward as she sighed a heavy sigh. "Pardon me, Alex." She turned and hurried back inside. A second child's voice joined in with a high pitched wail.

I walked up the stairs and glanced back down to see if I could see the light from where she had stood. I could.

_Perhaps it was too dim for her to see._ I thought to myself. _Maybe she didn't see where I was gesturing. Maybe she needs glasses. Maybe it was too… too… too violet._

I smiled and hurried upstairs to put down the bags that suddenly seemed heavy.


	3. Sunday, March 26th

**Sunday, March 26****th**

I invited a college buddy of mine over for dinner. I was making spaghetti and had the sauce bubbling away in a crock-pot. Everything smelled wonderful.

Rich didn't really give a shit. He ate T.V. dinners and fast food most nights.

Richard sat on the couch. His feet were up on the coffee table beside an open beer bottle. He tossed a football casually in the air, and watched whatever trash was on the television.

He whistled in awe.

"What? What?" I said.

"Would you look at the size of the bass this guy just caught?"

I rolled my eyes as I went back into the kitchen, and tossed the pasta into the boiling water.

When I returned to the living room, he had shut off the television, put down the ball, and picked up his beer. I glanced out the window and noticed that the sun was setting. "Hey Rich, do you think you could do me a favor?" I asked.

"Sure thing, bud," he answered. He stood up, expecting that I needed some help with dinner.

"Follow me," I said and led him outside. "I want to show you something."

Rich shrugged and followed along to the outside steps. The day had been unseasonably warm and it was still beautiful outside. "What'cha want to show me?" he said as I stooped down in front of the violet line that I had half-expected to not even be there.

"What do you think is making this?" I asked as I traced the line with my index finger.

"Making what?" he asked. He looked me in the eye.

"This line!" I almost shouted. "This silly, purple line on the sidewalk!"

Rich put up his hands and eyebrows like an orderly trying to pacify an unruly mental patient. He mouthed the word "chill" and looked back down at the concrete. Rich stared for a long moment and squinted his eyes as he tried to discover the source of my obvious mental instability. He looked slowly back up and shook his head.

"How can you not see this?" I asked him. "It's as bright as a neon sign!" I stopped, surprised, and looked back down. Although it had been a barely visible reflection the last several days, tonight it was so bright that it almost blinded me.

Rich reached out slowly and touched the concrete. He looked up, and smiled. "You're putting me on. Right, Alex?"

"Jeez!" I snorted. "Stay right here." I ran up, back to my apartment, and began tearing through the boxes of stuff I had put away from last year. Sketches, pencils, markers, and pens went flying. By the time I finally found the chalk from the sidewalk drawings I had done last fall, it was already dark outside. I rushed back down the steps to where I had left Rich.

"Are you O.K., man?" he asked me as he finished his beer. I can only guess what I must have looked like.

I looked up at the sky and saw that the last rays of day had faded. I groaned, afraid to look down at the sidewalk. Eventually I did. I was delighted and terrified to see that the line was still there. I stomped over and began to trace it with the fat, white chalk in my hand.

"It's a big, violet line," I explained as I drew, "running right across the sidewalk." I stared for a moment at how the chalk glowed in its eerie light. "Don't tell me you can't see this!"

Rich set the bottle down on the step and walked over to where I knelt. "So, you can see this glowing, purple line that goes from here to here." He gestured with his hand and looked me in the eye. I searched his face for any sign that he was toying with me.

"No," I answered slowly as I looked back down on the ground. "It's brightest right here, but it continues on in both directions…" I continued to trace the line with the chalk until I ran out of sidewalk, and then followed the trail across the small lawn with my fingertip.

Rich scratched his head and stared at the edge of the apartment building where I had stopped. He shrugged and walked across the grass. He peeked into Mr. and Mrs. Chin's window as if trying to see from where the light was emanating.

"Don't do that, man," I said, giving him a little shove. "It's rude." I tried to look away, but couldn't help noticing the faint, violet glow from inside. A creepy feeling washed over me, and I ran back in to knock on their door.

After a moment or two, Mrs. Chin opened the door wide and smiled at me. I looked past her and into her living room where the children were romping quietly with their toys. The bright purple line stretched across the floor, to the far wall, where it disappeared again.

"Hello, Alex," she said, and I looked up into her face. She was patiently waiting for me to explain why I had knocked on her door.

"Hi. Uhh, umm." Desperately groping for an explanation myself, I looked down at my chalk-covered hands. "Umm, I just wanted to know, uh, if Kevin had left this on the sidewalk." I handed her the chalk.

"No," she said with a cute and curious little smile. "It must have been one of the neighbors. We don't have any chalk." She waited until I looked back at her face. "Are you all right?" she asked me.

I guess I nodded.

The rest of the evening had been quiet and uncomfortable. Rich left quickly after finishing his overcooked spaghetti.

I had strange and unsettling dreams of being committed to a mental institution.


	4. March 27th to April 2nd

**Monday, March 27****th**

When I left for work the next morning, the line was still there.

I don't have to dress up for work, so I tromped right across the dew-covered grass in my tennis shoes, and began to circle the building. When I got to the back, I found it continued on into the distance.

I followed it.

From time to time it faded from bright to dim, it curved a bit this way or that, but it took no heed of the buildings in its way.

Sometimes someone would push me out of his or her way, or a car would honk to warn me that I was about to get myself killed.

Eventually, my stomach growled and I looked down at my watch, noticing that it was time for lunch. My stomach clenched tight and I hailed a cab that took me home.

I called my boss and asked him if I had remembered to ask off this morning. He agreed that I had forgotten, and although he was upset, I think he was considerably less pissed than he would have been, had I told him the truth.

**Thursday, March 30****th**

Could barely get out of bed this morning. It had been a terrible week. I hadn't tried to follow the strange line again, but it kept showing up in my work.

I couldn't draw a new logo or ad concept that wasn't centered around a glowing line of violet. I couldn't concentrate, and my temper was wearing thin.

I called in sick and stayed in bed.

**Friday, March 31****st**

Tried to call in sick again and my boss gave me stern lecture over the phone. He had looked through my recent work while I was at home in bed and was unimpressed.

He implied that he doubted I was sick, and said that if I came in and continued to produce at this level, then I might as well have stayed home anyway.

I felt guilty.

He asked me to take a week off to recharge.

I felt real bad.

He said that if I took off next week, he wouldn't count today.

I felt much better.

He's a good guy.

I washed myself off, got dressed, packed a sandwich, and drove off to find out where the line led.

It turned out that the line was hard to follow by car, so I parked it and set out on foot.

When it got dark, I took a cab back to my car and wished I owned a bicycle.

**Saturday, April 1****st**

It rained today. Didn't buy a bicycle, but I did find a great map of the city. I sat around for a while and penciled in the streets I had walked, before driving to the library.

Didn't really know what I was looking for at the library. I stumbled across a book on schizophrenia that I couldn't bear to check out.

Went home and watched television.

Something seemed ironic about not following the line on April Fool's Day.

**Sunday, April 2****nd**

The rains had stopped late last night and the skies looked clear, so I packed a backpack with a big sandwich, some bottled water, my map, a sketchbook (you never know when you'll see something you want to sketch), and a couple good pens.

I put on my jogging shoes, some sweats, and headed out.

The line on my map snaked its way toward downtown. I followed it to the end and parked my car (making a little notation on my map for later).

I walked the whole day, and although I resented having to pay for yet another cab, I reasoned that it was cheaper than any vacation I would have taken. Besides, what price can you put on mental health?


	5. Monday, April 3rd

**Monday, April 3****rd**

Slept great last night. I felt like I was finally _doing_ something that I really _needed_ to do. Don't know why that was.

I packed up my stuff and headed off for downtown.

The going was slow because the buildings were bigger. Sometimes, the line would bend to one side once it was out of sight, and I would end up walking almost all the way around the block to find where the line that only I could see came out.

Shortly after lunch, I found a huge building where the line went in and two came out. There was a sinking feeling in my stomach. I wondered if it had branched before and I hadn't noticed the second path.

Suddenly infused with determination, I marched into the building to look for the junction. I hadn't known that these things _could_ branch, but I damn well was going to see it for myself.

I wandered the halls of the first floor for a while before walking into one of the offices. The receptionist must have stepped away from the desk, so I wandered past, into an open hallway.

I felt really out of place as I walked through the maze of cubicles, dressed in sweats instead of a suit. Very few people had returned yet from lunch, and so I received only a few curious looks.

I found the junction in an empty cube. It was bright and sparkled with a million tiny dots of light. I stared transfixed, until a hand tapped my shoulder.

"Who are you?" a voice asked, and I turned around to see a tall, suited man with a muscular build. "What are you doing here?"

My pulse skyrocketed and my mind filled with thoughts. _What the hell was I doing? Is this guy going to call the cops? What's this guy doing in my cube?_

What's this guy doing in my cube? That wasn't one of mine. I felt panic grab me and I pushed the man away.

I looked up into his eyes and stared for a moment before realizing that when I had pushed him, it had not been with my hands, but with my mind.

He had not moved. He stood where he had when he tapped on my shoulder, but his eyes had grown glassy, as if his thoughts were wandering. I walked quickly around him and hurried back to my car on foot.

Back at my apartment, I wondered just what had happened. What had I done? What was still to come?

An odd feeling was still with me. It was as if I had taken a can from the middle of a large stack at the grocery store. The stack was still standing, but it was not entirely clear how to put the can back in without making things worse.


	6. Tuesday, April 4th

**Tuesday, April 4****th**

My anxiety faded somewhat while I slept, and in the morning, I returned to the building to continue my search. I chose one of the two branches with the flip of a coin and began to walk.

The going was easier today, because the line I had selected seemed to prefer running down the center of streets instead of through buildings. In no time at all, I was walking through the inner city.

I looked around and wiped the sweat from my face. Was it the sweat of exhaustion, or from the nervousness of being where I didn't feel I belonged? I wasn't certain.

After about an hour in the inner city, I walked past a white, teenage girl and her dog - the thinnest mutt I had ever seen. They were sitting on a crumbling, stone wall and they stared at me as I walked past. I walked on, but quickly got the feeling that I was being followed. After another block or so, I stopped to pull out my map and mark where I had been.

"Looking for something, mister?" she said from right behind me. I turned and stared down into her dark eyes. She had dark, curly hair with only a subtle tint of red, high cheekbones, and a thin face that spoke of borderline malnutrition. She smiled at me as I studied her face, and I noticed her bright, white and perfectly even teeth.

"No," I coughed quietly. "No, I'm not."

I turned and continued to walk slowly as I folded up my map. She stepped beside me and the dog stepped into line beside her.

"I don't believe you," she said matter-of-factly.

I nodded. "Fair enough," I whispered to myself.

"So… What are you looking for?" she asked again.

I shrugged my shoulders and told her that she wouldn't believe me. I didn't look at her again; just walked along, following the line. She stopped walking beside me, and I figured that she had left; but when I stopped and sat down on the curb to eat my sandwich, there she was, only a few steps behind.

She sat down beside me as I unwrapped my lunch. I took a bite and couldn't help but notice her prominent collarbones. She wore a tight and grimy tee shirt, through which I could see her ribs and spine. Her arms were muscular and wiry, and her hands were as filthy as her clothes.

"Have you eaten anything today?" I asked her.

She studied my face for a moment before shaking her head. I looked down at my sandwich - corned beef on rye with mustard - tore it in half, and handed one of the parts to her. She smiled her thanks and took it from me, but instead of eating it, she split it in half again and shared hers with the dog.

"Wha'cha doin' round here?" she asked around a mouthful of deli meat.

"I live around here," I lied. She snorted a laugh, so I changed the subject. "Why aren't you in school?" She looked old enough to be in, but not yet out of high school.

"Fate?" she said with a shrug.

I felt my cheeks flush with anger. It was just that sort of crap that kept people in neighborhoods as poor as this. That lame-ass, I-have-no-control-over-my-life type excuse really burns me up. I worked my way through college. It was rough, but not so rough that I ever considered not trying.

She stared at me. "You don't believe in fate?"

I shook my head for a moment and then looked down at my feet. If not fate, then why was I here, following this silly line? I shrugged. "Yeah, maybe. Hell, I don't know."

She chewed in silence.

Although we didn't talk again, I know that she followed me, at least until I returned downtown to get my car.

That night, I sketched her face and pinned it on my wall. She must have made a bigger impression on me than I had suspected, for I could draw every line from memory. I doodled in the background and drew whatever came to mind. 'Your soul,' I smugly told people when I did these types of drawings.


	7. Wednesday, April 5th

**Wednesday, April 5****th**

Slept well and had erotic dreams about the dark-eyed girl. I awoke feeling guilty. She was, after all, much younger than myself. It had been a while since I dated, but not so long that I should be fantasizing about homeless teenage girls.

Took a cold shower and made a sack-lunch. A funny feeling crept over me while I was digging through the refrigerator, and although I told myself that all the walking made me very hungry, I don't think that was why I packed the second sandwich and wrapped up a stew bone in aluminum foil.

I felt very nervous about parking my car where I had left off from the day before, but it's getting pretty old and starting to show a few rust spots. I hoped it could spend the day unmolested. With any luck, the line would lead me into a better neighborhood, and I could move my car mid-day.

After about an hour of following the line, I got that strange feeling that I was being followed. I glanced back around and was not entirely surprised to see my dark-eyed girl. It was as if a sixth sense had told her that I had entered her territory.

When I sat down to lunch, I offered her the second sandwich and the bone. She gave me a peculiar look before accepting.

I unfolded my map and tried to guess where the line was leading me. It had been fairly straight until yesterday, but now that I was in the worst part of town, it seemed almost reluctant to leave.

"Treasure map?" she asked me after inhaling her food.

I just shrugged.

She peeked over my shoulder at the map, and a brief panic and a desire to hide it away from her consumed me. I steadied my nerves. In a way, I wanted to share this burden with someone. I didn't want to be the only one who suffered from this madness, so I let her look.

She stared at the map, and traced the line we had been following; glancing up at the street every few moments to get her bearings. Her face glimmered with a hint of understanding, and she looked up at me, amazed.

Although I cannot explain how, I could feel her thoughts. _You're mapping where we've been, not where we're going…_ I pulled myself away from the gentle temptation of her mind.

"How do you know where to walk?"

I smiled sheepishly and didn't answer, afraid to look like the lunatic I had become.

She smiled in a friendly way. "Angel on your shoulder?"

I glanced over at my shoulder. "Demon actually." I smiled and she giggled.

I reached out slowly with my right hand and offered it to her. "Alex."

She simply looked at me for a while, and just as I was about to pull away, she took my hand in hers. "Shadow," she replied. Her hand was very warm and I could feel my pulse quicken. I felt another pang of shame, and tried to let neither my desire nor discomfort show on my face.

She held my hand in a surprisingly strong grip for what seemed like an hour, before putting her arms around the dog beside her. She squeezed him close. "This is Rocky."

Rocky lifted a front paw, and I shook it also. I laughed and felt my discomfort subside a little.

Shadow lifted her hand to my shoulder, and gestured shaking hands with the imaginary demon I carried. "And your friend…?" she asked.

My mind raced as I scrambled for a name. "Aquarelle." I know it was silly, but it was the only thing I could think of.

We walked the rest of the day without words.


	8. April 6th to April 7th

**Thursday, April 6****th**

Shadow followed me again today, and although we had spoken only a dozen words to each other, I felt a strange kinship with her that I cannot elsewhere recall. It was a strange but comfortable silence, not the kind where you did not know what to say, but rather one where words were unnecessary.

We shared lunch again and she broke the silence only when I opened the map. "Do you have to map the whole country?" she asked. "Or just this one city?" She glanced over at the demon's perch, and then back to my eyes.

"I don't know," I answered honestly. "I hope not."

Shortly after lunch, I came to a second branch, and then a third before it was time to turn back. I hoped that it was just a sign that I was getting closer to wherever it was I needed to go, not an indication that my mind was losing its little remaining sanity.

**Friday, April 7****th**

Lightning struck behind my apartment, and the deafening crash brought me to my feet. I stared out the window at the pounding rain, hoping to feel sleepy again.

I paced for a while. I watched a little television, but there was nothing interesting on. I rearranged my cupboard and then my closet. Between the suit I wore only at weddings and the Hawaiian shirt that I should have thrown away, I found the thrift story army jacket I bought in high school.

It no longer stunk of beer and clove cigarettes, but the unexpected sight jarred my memories, and for a while I forgot the storm. I thought about my carefully cultured rebellious attitude, staying out until dawn, and the comic strip that I stupidly thought would make me famous. I thought about all the little things that seemed so important at the time.

I threw the jacket on over my bathrobe and laughed at my reflection in the window. The sleeves were so short that I looked like a baboon.

Lightning flashed again and a gust of wind rattled the windowpane. I wondered if Shadow had found someplace dry to spend the night.

I folded the jacket and stuck it in my backpack for safekeeping.

# # #

The sun refused to come out and the day was blanketed in a grey dampness that varied between a cold fog and light drizzle. I ducked into a covered bus stop and stared out through graffiti-covered Plexiglas. "What an awful day."

"I like it." Shadow smiled happily from the bench. She swung her feet and hummed tunelessly.

"Why?"

"Because the world smells nice today. Because everyone else is indoors and you have the world to yourself. Because you could run all day and the fog would keep you cool. Because of any of a million reasons, Alex."

I flopped down on the bench and pulled a pair of sandwiches from my backpack. "Where's your dog?"

"Rocky's not my dog. I don't own him and he doesn't own me."

"A free agent, huh?" I opened a thermos and poured out some hot chocolate. "So, why isn't he out here, enjoying the day?"

Shadow shrugged and fiddled with the buttons on her pockets and sleeves. The jacket fit her pretty well. "I guess he's tired of following you around."

I nodded my head in consent. "I can see that. It would be a dull way to spend the day." I blew on the cocoa and warmed my hands with the cup. "Why are you here?"

When she didn't answer, I turned and stared into her eyes. There was something comfortable about the expression on her face. She smiled. "I'm waiting for my bus."

I groaned and crossed my arms. "I'm serious!"

She smiled wide at my frustration. "I'm part of the neighborhood watch. We've got to keep an eye on any strangers we see."

"Why won't you tell me?"

Her eyes sparkled and my heart skipped a beat. What was it with this frustrating young woman? Why did I want to strangle her one minute and sleep with her the next?

"Why don't you tell me what you're doing here, Alex?"

_Touché._ I refilled the hot chocolate and handed her the cup. I didn't need to look to know she was smiling.


	9. April 8th to April 10th

**Saturday, April 8****th**

"What do you want out of life, Shadow?"

"The usual, I guess," she answered without hesitation. "Love. A family of my own."

I looked around at the slums. "Don't you want to get out of here?"

She stared at me wordlessly. "What's wrong with this place?"

I felt uncomfortable, unable to explain myself. "Don't you have a dream? Something you've always wanted to do or to be? I mean apart from love and a family."

Shadow thought for a long time. I was afraid I had hurt her feelings. When she spoke, her words seemed a little hollow. "I guess there is something…"

She peered into my eyes, searching for something. "Promise not to tell Rocky?"

I smiled and crossed my heart with my finger.

She took me by the hand and led me around the corner. There she stopped and gestured across the street with a bony finger.

"A diner?" I stared at the run-down little building. The dirty window was cracked and patched with tape. It looked empty and it was impossible to tell if it was even open for business. A 'help wanted' sign hung on the door.

Shadow walked off, down the sidewalk, and I took a few quick steps to catch up. "Shadow's Place. I like the sound of that."

I put my arm around her shoulders and for a moment she rested her head against me. The moment passed and we walked some more in silence.

She stared out into space and spoke quietly, not to me, but loud enough for me to hear. "My family would come in and I would cook for them… I'd have an apartment up above… a bed… heat…"

She pushed me away and I felt bad for having pried into her life.

**Sunday, April 9****th**

"I have to go back to work tomorrow," I told Shadow as I opened my car door. It had been another long day of walking and the thought had been a heavy load to carry.

Shadow surprised me by wrapping her arms around me and pulling me close. At first, I resisted, but eventually gave in to her embrace. Her scent was strong and musky. Her body was warm and although nothing about her was soft, her touch was tender. "It's going to be all right," she said.

I believed her.

**Monday, April 10****th**

Things were 'back to normal' today. I could still see the line as I walked out my front door, but my mind did not seem so focused on its mysterious nature.

My work had piled up and I threw myself into it until it was time to go. When I got home, I paced around uneasily while trying to decide what to do.

Eventually, I packed up another couple sandwiches, a thermos of coffee, and a flashlight. I prayed that I wasn't doing something stupid, and then left the apartment anyway.


	10. April 10th cont'

The inner city takes on a different feel at night. During the day it made me think of news clips from Baghdad, or any other bombed out hellhole. During the night it resembled a jungle.

Shadow was waiting for me as I pulled up. Nodding slightly and smiling, she stepped over to my door as I shut off the engine. "You don't give up easy, do ya'?" she asked.

I started to reply but something else caught her attention. She looked off into the darkness and cursed.

"What?" I scanned the streets. Far in the distance, and quickly approaching, was a pair of faded headlights. I turned to ask Shadow who was coming, but she had stepped back into the darkness. I squinted my eyes, and could just barely make her out - her dirty clothes being the perfect inner city camouflage.

I guess I had frozen in the headlights, for soon the oncoming car had stopped, and four silhouettes stepped out and surrounded me. The four shapes spoke with Hispanic accents. One of which carried a baseball bat, and another held a crowbar.

My heart was beating so loudly, that I could barely make out their words. "Are you lost, _gringo_?" one asked. "Or just _stupido_?"

"You should know better than to come here," another one joined in. He pounded the asphalt with the bat for emphasis.

"You got any money?" a third one asked.

Uneasy feelings washed over me, and after a moment of shock, I realized that they were not my own; they were coming from those around me. I opened myself to them and listened for a sign of weakness. To my surprise, the teens didn't feel hate for me; one of them even felt bad about what they thought they had to do. It was as if they were acting out a script that had been written by society - being tough just to keep from being mistaken for weak.

I pushed back with my mind, loosening their resolve.

"What do you think you're doing?" I asked and it came out much more brave and confident than I had expected. I could feel how the words were slipping into their minds, forming thoughts they hadn't felt before.

"Huh?" one of them gasped. His mouth, I could see, hung open in shock. "Roman?"

I pushed a little harder and the other three gasped simultaneously.

"We didn't know it was you, man. We thought you was someone else!" the one with the crowbar said, before switching to a hurried Spanish.

I had learned a little Spanish in high school, but I didn't have a clue what this guy was saying! I could feel myself starting to panic, so I pushed again. "Beat it," I spat, and to my surprise, they left.

I sat down on the hood of my car and waited for my shakes to dissipate. How many cans had I removed from the stack this time?

Shadow walked back over to me after the car had disappeared. "How did you do that, Alex?"

"I don't know," I said, "but I'm scared."

She put her hand on my thigh and I looked into her dark eyes. "It's going to be all right. Trust me." Her hand was warm and her words gentle.

"What's happening to me?" I asked, but she said nothing.

We walked for several hours before I returned home.


	11. Thursday, April 27th

**Thursday, April 27****th**

My feet were tired and I was ready to return home. I had been seeing silly violet lines for over a month now, and it felt like my brain was fried. A month of wandering the streets, and I still didn't feel any closer to the answer I was seeking. I unfolded my map and stretched it out over the hood of my car. The black, pen lines overlaid the streets like a spider's web. Some of the lines seemed to radiate from the inner city while others seemed to circle it.

I sighed and Shadow sighed also. I was tired of following lines, but I knew I couldn't stop.

"What the hell does it mean?" I finally asked. "It must _mean_ something!"

"You're wrong," the girl said. "You just can't see it."

In my surprise, I turned to face her, but asked her nothing.

"You think the planet's just this big rock in space," she explained. "She's not. She's alive. Her life flows through her veins." She stared at me. "It flows through you."

This was the most she had ever said to me… and I didn't understand a word! Shadow was talking about the Earth as if it were a person, not a place. She sounded like one of those crystal-waving, aura-seeing, new-age hippies. Suddenly this poor, little, inner city girl that I had felt so connected to was talking like she was in a health-food store, picking out tofu and bean sprouts, and talking about her inner child with another one of society's drop-outs.

I felt angry and toyed with. I clenched my fists and teeth for a moment before answering. "You actually believe that bullshit?" I asked.

I didn't mean to do it. I didn't want to lash out at her. I just couldn't focus the anger and resentment that had been building for so very long. I felt bad immediately.

Emotions flashed across her face for a moment, and I tried to read them. She radiated feelings like a beacon, and they washed over me. I wished that I could take the words back, or at very least, block out her hurt.

Confusion.

How could I not understand? How could I walk these streets with her so long and not know what is going on? How could I not feel the Mother's love - a love that she knew was as real as the lines that I followed.

A creepy chill ran along my back and I shuddered at her thinking about the planet as 'Mother'. Had I not understood? Did I miss something here?

Sadness.

She had had such high hopes for me. I could feel that now. She had felt that we were unlike the others and that maybe it was our open-mindedness that could bring peace and happiness. That could never be now. I could not understand. I could not care. I could not see past my own greed.

My stomach started to tumble and I wished that I could pull myself from her mind, to shield myself from the barrage of emotions that shone now like the flash from a nuclear blast. What others was she thinking about? What peace did she want?

Anger.

Her friends had been right. I was just like the others. I could never help. I could only hurt. Suddenly, she hated me. It flowed from her like lava from a volcano; hot, deadly, and unstoppable.

Then she hit me.

_Hard_.

She moved so fast that I almost missed it. Her fist struck my gut, and brilliant flares erupted behind my eyes. I crumpled to the ground and clutched my stomach.

It's true that I didn't have a chance to tighten my muscles. It's true that I hadn't been in a fist fight since middle school, but I wasn't in bad shape. I worked out a lot, and I walked or jogged every day. Hell, I probably even had sixty pounds on her, and still she dropped me with a single punch.

My eyes filled with tears and she never said a word. I never saw her leave. I just laid there like a pathetic child, clutching my tummy and waiting for someone to take care of me. After five minutes or so, I pulled myself into the car and drove home.

The staircase to my apartment seemed a mile long, and I thought I would never get to bed, but I eventually did. I laid down carefully - without even taking off my clothes - for fear of accidentally flexing my abdominals.

I drifted off to sleep as I stared at my sketch of Shadow's face. I wanted to get up to erase my doodles and add a lion, but I don't think I could have, even if the bed had caught fire.


	12. Friday, April 28th

**Friday , April 28****th**

Even though my stomach was aching and badly bruised, I repeated my nightly ritual. I pulled the car to a stop, and up walked Shadow.

"I'm sorry," I said before she had a chance to get close, "I didn't mean to upset you. I just lost my temper."

Her face blank, she nodded and stepped beside me. Her jaw was set and her expression unfeeling, as if my apology had changed nothing.

"I drew something for you," I said as I pulled the sketch from the car.

Shadow studied my face for a moment, before accepting the gift and unrolling it on my car's hood. I saw her hard expression soften as she recognized the face as her own. She traced the lines with her fingers. "It looks just like me," she finally said.

I glanced back and forth between them for the first time, and felt pretty pleased with myself. In the stark light of the sodium lamps, her face looked older and thinner, but the likeness was uncanny.

She touched the doodlings. "Is this Rocky howling at the moon?" she said with the first smile she'd given me since I had upset her. She looked up. "It doesn't look much like him."

"That's a wolf…" I said. "Your soul." I stared into her eyes, and with an odd comfort, I felt that the words rang honestly.

Her jaw dropped open a little bit, and her eyes returned to the paper. After a long silence - our first that I had ever really noticed - she rolled up the paper.

I unfolded the map and laid it where the drawing had been. "I think you're right," I said. "I think the lines I see are veins."

She didn't say a word, but her eyes burned holes in the side of my face. I turned and fell into their dark depths. "What?"

"You _can_ see them, can't you?" she asked.

I hadn't even realized what I had just admitted. I swallowed and nodded. "Can you?" I asked her. My lips moved but the words were inaudible.

She stared and stared, but eventually shook her head, 'no'.

I turned back to the map. "If they are veins…" I said as I pointed to an uncharted section where the lines seemed to converge, "perhaps here is the heart. Or _a_ heart, at least…" I looked up for support and encouragement but saw only terror. "What?" I asked.

She stared at the map a long while. "Don't. Don't go there."

I was shocked. "What are you talking about? Maybe this is what I've been searching for…"

She put her fingertips to my bruised stomach and pressed ever so slightly. "Don't go… please," and without another word, she ran off into the darkness.

I climbed back in the car and started the engine, carefully refolding the map so only the uncharted 'heart' showed.

How could I not go? How could I go back to my job and ignore whatever it was I had stumbled across? I no longer thought I was crazy. I didn't know what it was that I could see, and I didn't know why it seemed that no one else could, but now I was certain that the lines were there.

I drove slowly to where one of the mapped lines ended, and stopped the car. I tucked the map in my back pocket and grabbed the flashlight. There were no streetlights, but the moon was bright, and the sky was clear.

No one lived on the streets that I walked that night. Every building here had crumbled or burned. Nothing was left.

The violet line was bright here, I could almost see by its illumination alone. Up ahead I could see another and a third converging at some yet unseen point. I walked with slow and steady strides, my mind raced at just what could be ahead. I was afraid to even guess.

I was worried about Shadow.

Suddenly, I was no longer alone. A quiet growl stepped from the darkness, and there was Rocky standing alongside Shadow. Three other figures stood farther away, their faces concealed in the darkness.

"I told you not to come," Shadow said, her voice hollow and emotionless.

"I had to," I answered. "You know that. You know that I had to. You know what it is that I can see, and you know why. You've known all along, haven't you?"

"No," she said as she stepped closer. "You must believe me. I've suspected for a while, but I didn't _know_ until tonight."

"What is this place?" I demanded and gestured ahead.

"It's a place of power. A place where the barrier between the material world and the spirit world is very thin," she said softly. "A holy place."

"Show me," I asked, pleaded.

"I can't," she said, and put her hands to my chest.

I glanced up and noticed that the three dark figures had stepped closer. They were still in the shadows, but I could make them out more clearly now. Two were about my height and perhaps just a little thinner. The third was significantly taller and well muscled.

I tried to push them back with my mind but was almost overcome with a dreadful feeling. It was a tiny taste of the anger they had, the hatred they held for me and my kind. I recoiled quickly, and looked back down into Shadow's eyes.

"Why not?" I whispered.

"You don't understand what you are," she whispered back.

"What _am_ I?"

"You're a mage." She suppressed a tiny sniffle. "It's not your fault."

The word meant nothing. "A what?"

"A mage. A wizard. A magick user."


	13. Friday, April 28th cont'

It was as if she had hit me again. "That's the stupidest thing I've ever…" I fell into her eyes again. Her eyes could melt steel.

"Is it?" she growled and pushed me back roughly with her palms. "Is it? If you weren't so damn blind, maybe you'd have noticed by now." She shoved me again. "How long have you been walking the streets? How long have you been seeing the lines? How long have you known that there were things in this world that people don't believe to exist?"

I almost sat down in my shock. It seemed so unreal, so impossible. Could she really be right? All this time that I thought I had been losing my mind! Or was this just another delusion?

I closed my eyes and concentrated. I felt the power surging through the line beneath my feet. She had to be right. What else could explain what had been happening to me?

"I am?"

She nodded, and I thought I saw the glint of a tear drop.

"Why is that so horrible?" I asked, utterly confused. It sounded wonderful, somehow liberating.

"Because that makes you a… a parasite." Her voice was almost inaudible.

"What!" I think I shouted, and the shadows stepped closer again. "I don't understand." I grabbed her shoulders and waited for her to look at me.

Her gaze turned from sympathetic to accusatory and I stepped back as she stepped closer. "Because the power you wield is not your own. It is the life of the planet your kind plays with. The force that flows through the veins you see is what keeps the planet healthy. By using that life to change reality…" Her face was grim, her voice and eyes cold and dead. "If you go any closer, they'll kill you… I'll kill you."

I was at the end of my rope. I didn't want to take this precious life force, I just wanted to see it. I just wanted someone to explain what was going on. I just wanted Shadow to be my friend again, and I just wanted her to step out of my God-damned way.

I could feel the frustration building in me. I wanted to lash out at her, to make her obey, but I knew that I couldn't.

I stepped closer and she began to change.

The changes were subtle at first. Her hair grew wild and her eyes savage, her muscles became larger and she seemed taller, somehow. Soon, hair began to sprout on her face, and her bones began to reshape. She grew and grew and grew until I was staring into the furry chest of a werewolf.

Her jaws - high above me - were filled with long, sharp teeth and her claws were suited for nothing but killing. Beside her, Rocky too began to change. I could no longer see them, as they were eclipsed by Shadow's breadth, but I knew the others behind her were doing the same.

Shadow threw back her massive head and howled a horrible sound - a cry that was neither man nor beast. My knees trembled and my testicles drew back inside my body. «Was this the price of knowledge: death?» I asked myself.

She looked back down at me, and saw that I had not run. My clothes were soaked in sweat, and I'm certain I looked anything but brave, but I could not leave. Everything was conspiring to keep me from this place. I had to see the garden of Eden that my mind had promised me.

She began to growl and the low, bass rumble filled my lungs. I could feel my breath catching on the edges of her malice.

I prayed that she had not become the mindless killing machine always depicted in the movies. I looked up into her bright-green eyes, looking for the girl I thought I knew.

I tried to swallow but my throat was dry.

"You know me," I whispered. "You know I wouldn't take. I won't use this magick. I just want to learn."

With a clawed hand that I never saw move, she grabbed me by the neck and chest. Her hands were so large that they couldn't throttle my throat, but for some reason, that realization didn't make me feel better. Her grip tightened around me and I struggled against her strength, but it was hopeless, she was easily strong enough to crush me with a single hand. My breathing slowed and then stopped.

Shadow lifted me off the ground until my feet dangled helplessly in the air. I grabbed onto her furry forearm with both hands and pulled myself up to keep my body's own weight from snapping my neck. Despite what she was doing, there was a strange gentleness in her actions. She wasn't trying to kill me - at least, not yet.

Slowly, effortlessly, she lifted me until my eyes were level with hers, until my face was just inches from her jaws. She stood almost nine feet tall now - a tower of bone, muscle, teeth, and claws.

"Go," she growled, struggling to speak human words with a semi-lupine throat. "Or die."

I could not shake my head and no air would cross my lips. 'Show me, please.' I mouthed silently.

We stared at each other for longer than I could stand. Hot tears burned my face as they fell from the corners of my eyes. Bulging veins at my temples threatened to burst. I could feel my face begin to tingle and my vision darken.


	14. The Caern

Suddenly, Shadow set me down, and loosened her grip enough for me to gasp a pathetic half-breath of air.

She turned around to face her pack, dragging me along like a forgotten doll. She growled at the others and they growled back. They gestured at me and I tried to comprehend the nature of their bizarre language. Had she meant what she said? Was she having second thoughts? Or were they arguing over just who got what?

At times, the argument (conversation?) was ferocious - growls and snarls that could only be threats and demands. At times it was almost musical - beautiful howls with an unknown meaning. Always present were the gestures and body language.

I could not see Shadow's face from where she held me, so instead I studied the others. They flashed their teeth and squinted, they flicked their whiskers and pointed with their claws, even the way they set their shoulders and moved their tails seemed to have a meaning. I desperately wanted to enter their minds to learn what it was they were saying, but I had given my word that I would not use my magick, so I stood silently, and awaited the outcome.

The growling came to a sudden stop, and all eyes were on the wolf that stood directly in Shadow's face. Though not the tallest of the five, he stood with head and tail held high. His light-brown fur was bristled, and his eyes never wavered. He showed his fangs once and then again. He waited silently and then snorted loudly before walking off toward my Eden.

One by one, the wolves fell in line behind him, until Shadow too followed - half guiding, half dragging myself. My stomach ached and I wondered what had just transpired. In my shock and terror, I don't remember the walk, but soon we were standing before a graffiti-covered wall that was bathed in a beautiful, violet light.

She dropped me to my feet and I immediately fell to my knees. There behind the wall - inside the wall - were dozens of ghost-like images. Animal spirits, plant spirits, and the spirits of the deceased all stared back at me. A long-dead werewolf opened his jaws in shock at my presence.

The air was still and quiet. The rest of Shadow's pack had slipped into the shadows, leaving the two of us alone. Even though we were in the city, I thought I could smell grass and flowers.

I felt so powerful now, like the violet lines were feeding me energy, a strength beyond anything I ever knew existed.

Shadow's strong hands were on my shoulders now as she stood behind me, only a hint of the throaty growl remained in her human voice. "Now you have seen what it is that we protect. The others did not want you to see it. You are alive only because I oppose your execution." There was no sarcasm in her words. I knew that she meant what she said.

"You are now my ward, my charge. Your mistakes are my mistakes." She spoke very formally, and in a tone that seemed intended for someone else, waiting nearby and unseen, to hear. I stood slowly. She pressed her lips softly to my ear and whispered, "Pay attention. Learn quickly, or you put both our lives in jeopardy."

I nodded slowly and thought for a long time before whispering back, "What if I fail you?"

"Then I'll eat you," she growled.

Perhaps it was the way she had said it, or perhaps it was the events that had preceded, but it took me weeks to figure out that she was joking.


	15. Submission

I stared for a moment longer, soaking in the energy and radiance of the beautiful wall before me. There was great passion here, and just by my very closeness could I taste its flavors. Memories of great things past and future (if that made any sense) were here, as if I was staring at a wall of windows that looked out on different times. Bloodlust, joy, hatred, and most of all, pain. The wall contained so much pain that it boggled my mind.

I did not (nor did I wish to) feel the pain, but it was certainly there; pain so intense that I knew it would kill an ordinary man, pain that only the mightiest of creatures could survive. I thought about the werewolves and shuddered. The pain remembered here was not that which they had given to others, it was the pain that they had felt themselves.

Suddenly, I heard another deep-throated growl from the shadows. I turned to look at Shadow, but she was no longer standing behind me, she was crouched on all fours. Bright, yellow eyes shone in the distance, and Shadow began to tug urgently at my wrist.

"Alex!" she hissed. "Get down here! Unless you want to fight her for dominance, you better lower your head below her own."

I shrank down beside Shadow and stared as a jet-black wolf approached. She snarled and growled, and never took her eyes from mine. There was a type of presence in the wolf, and I could feel that she was an animal of age and power. I knew that even if she did not change into the terrible man/wolf shape I had seen earlier, that I stood no chance of defending myself from her.

My eyes began to burn and body began to shake. For some strange reason, I was more frightened than I had been all night. The werewolves had terrified me, but there was a tiny corner of my brain that refused to believe that they could exist, some synapses remained that hoped I would be safe from the nightmare. Now that I was facing a very, very real wolf (one that I was certain to be just as much a monster as Shadow), that tiny corner of my brain gave up and whimpered. I averted my eyes and looked to Shadow at my side, but soon I could feel the wolf's breath - hot and foul - on the side of my face. Adrenaline pumped, and my body wanted to run more than it ever had before. Shadow's fingers were biting into my wrist, begging me not to stand and run. I felt helpless.

Shadow was listening intently to the wolf's growl. "I'm sorry," she whined apologetically, her voice was choked with emotion. "I couldn't do it. I couldn't let them do it. He doesn't mean any harm…"

Suddenly, and without warning, the black wolf leapt forward and bit the back of Shadow's neck.

"Whu?" I gasped, but the wolf had already returned to her growling and posturing.

Shadow sucked a rapid, hissing breath through her teeth and squeezed her eyes shut. She sank further to the ground. There was a long pause, and then she began to lick the backs of her hands. A solitary tear ran down her nose and glistened in the moonlight.

"Why did you…?" I shouted as I looked up.

Big mistake.

Before my eyes had even focused on the muscular wolf, she had leapt again, and bitten me as she had done to Shadow. By the time I knew what had happened, I was laying on my side and trying to protect my face with my trembling hands. Heat and pain exploded from the back of my neck.

The wolf stood only inches away, growling even louder than it had before - a jagged, sawing sound, punctuated with hatred. Slaver dripped from her jaws, and she began to snap at my fingers.

"Show her your throat!" Shadow begged.

"Are you crazy!" I gasped and I pulled my hands nearer to my face, fingers away from the snapping jaws as they eased closer.

"Offer her your throat as a sign of submission! Do it, or she'll tear it out for sure!"

This, turned out to be very hard to do. I could feel the truth in Shadow's words, but my body refused to obey. It was like trying to convince myself to lick a moving chain saw. I knew that I had to do it, but my muscles failed to cooperate.

"Do it!"

Eventually, somehow, my mind won out over the will of my muscles and I slowly lifted my chin. When I could no longer see the wolf, I closed my eyes and began to pray. Ever so slowly, I pulled my hands to the sides so that she could see my throat.

I waited a moment for the growling to quiet, but instead it grew louder and closer. I could feel the tremendous heat of the wolf's body - looming over me, straddling me without touching - as she inched closer and closer to my exposed throat. I could feel my hands start to tremble, and I wanted to grab her head and try to force it away.

«Don't,» I told myself. «Don't touch her.»

The wolf's jaws closed slowly around my throat. Its hot breath burning my skin as my panic hit a peak, but I was too frozen with fear to move. She squeezed lightly down without breaking the skin, and then harder and harder until I started gasping for breath.

The wolf's teeth were biting hard into the soft flesh of my throat. I didn't think they had broken the skin, but it still hurt like hell. The growling never stopped as she held my throat in her jaws. The rumbling in her throat synchronized with my trembling and it seemed as if I would shake myself apart.

The wolf wanted more than submission. She wanted me to know that my life was hers. She wanted me to know that if I survived, it was her choice that made it happen. This is what 'offering my throat' meant to her. It was not saying 'uncle' in a childhood wrestling match. I was dead unless she wanted otherwise. This had been true all along, but she wanted _me_ to know it, and I did. The message could not have been made more clear.

I clawed my fingernails into the dirt and rocks beneath me, terrified and waiting for it all to end. I cannot be certain, since I don't remember doing it, but I think this is when I wet myself.


	16. Scientists

Suddenly, the jaws left my throat and the growling wolf backed away.

Shadow grabbed me by the wrist again, and pulled me from the area. I don't remember walking, but soon we were in a partially collapsed building whose roof had fallen in to become a field of rubble.

Shadow began to fume and pace. She moved gracefully, and the large debris in her path went unnoticed. It was as if she were walking in an empty room.

I didn't know what to say, so I just stood there and held my aching neck. I could feel a small trickle of blood and sweat roll down my back.

Rocky - looking like a dog once more, and not a monster - appeared at the doorless entryway and began to bark.

"I know!" she yelled at the dog. "You think I don't know that?"

He whined and ran off into the darkness.

Shadow returned to her pacing and fuming.

"Obviously…" I started to explain.

"Sit!" she snapped at me.

Without even thinking, I sat. It seems ironic now, in retrospect, a wolf telling a human to sit.

Shadow grabbed a softball-sized chunk of concrete and hurled it at a crumbling wall with all of her might. The impact sounded like a gunshot, and the concrete shattered into a dozen different pieces.

"Damn it!" she cursed.

I just sat quietly and waited for her to get it out of her system, as I wondered about my fate. What the hell had I gotten myself into? I never would have guessed that werewolves really existed, but then again, I never would have guessed that I might someday have magickal powers.

Shadow had implied that the wolves guarded this place against the mages, and I started to wonder just how many of us there were.

«How many werewolves are there here?» Including Shadow, Rocky, and the wolf that had bitten me, I had seen six so far, but how many more were out there in the darkness?

The thought of being surrounded by them made me more than a little uneasy. After all, they clearly did not agree with what Shadow had done, or more specifically, not done.

"Perhaps I should leave?" I suggested once Shadow had vented some of her anger.

"You can't," she growled and walked over to me. "You know too much for us to just let you walk away, but not enough to protect our secrets."

I was scared again. That sounded like something they tell you in the movies before they kill you. "I wouldn't tell anyone…" I started to explain, but she just shook her head and put her hands on my shoulders. I nearly jumped out of my skin.

"Your secrets need to be protected as well. How long do you think you'd live if the scientists found out you were a mage?"

"Huh? Do you think they'd try to dissect me?" I asked. I could imagine them wanting to do tests if they found out, but could it really be that bad?

Shadow laughed explosively and turned around. "You really don't have a clue, do you?" she asked. I shrugged but she was not looking. "The scientists have magick as well," she explained and turned back about.

I guess I must have smirked because I won another hard glance from the girl. "Okay, not all of the scientists are mages, but enough of them are, and they're always on the lookout for someone like you."

"I don't understand…" I started to say, but she waved her hands for me to let her start over.

"Things are not as they seem… Physics, chemistry, engineering; it's all just applied magick. All of that stuff was made up by the scientists so they could control the world. By convincing us that they were right, they changed everything."

I shook my head in skepticism, but it didn't slow her down.

"Whatever people believe in, that's what reality is. Back when everyone thought that the world was flat, it really _was_."

Shadow sighed and looked down at her hands. Her voice was quiet now and I had to strain to hear. "Back when people believed in magick and monsters, we were common. It's only now that the majority no longer believe, that my people are dying."

This was incredibly strange and I wanted to deny everything that she had said, but I knew, somewhere deep down inside, that she must have been right. How can you argue with a _real_ werewolf about what is real and what is not? How could I insist that science was not magick? What made me more of an expert than she?


	17. Bleeding

I looked around uncomfortably. There were so many strange things running around my head that I wanted to lie down and try to sort some of it out. "So, I'm stuck here?" I asked and she shrugged. "Are you going to teach me how to be a mage?"

Shadow shook her head slowly. "I don't see how I can do that, but there are a lot of things I _can_ tell you, a lot of things that might just save your life."

I tried to smile and took my hand away from where the wolf had bitten me. The wetness glistened in the moonlight.

"Oh, you're still bleeding!" she said in a surprised tone.

"Yeah. Well, that's what happens when a werewolf bites you, y'know?" I tried to make light of the situation.

Shadow pulled close beside me and despite the darkness, she bent my head down so she could inspect the wound. I could feel the tremendous heat of her body once more, and I breathed in her musky smell. My body filled with desire again, and I started to fidget nervously.

"Does this mean that I'm going to become a werewolf now?" I asked her, more than a little nervous about the prospect.

"Don't be silly," she said as if the old legend was absurd. I didn't think that was fair, considering.

She prodded my wounds. I hissed in pain and she pulled away. "This makes things a little more complicated. You can't stay here or you're bound to get an infection." She gestured around her at the filth. "I don't think you're gonna' need any stitches, but some alcohol and bandages would be a good idea."

"What about a rabies shot, then?" I asked, honestly worried.

She rolled her eyes and groaned. "Teacher of Cubs does not have rabies. I assure you."

"Okay, well, what about you?" I asked. "She attacked you as well."

"She didn't _attack_ either of us, Alex. She just gave us 'warning nips' that we were overstepping our bounds." She smiled. "Besides, you forget what I am. My wounds have already healed." She turned her head and showed me her flawless, and only slightly bloodied, skin.

I shuddered and again I felt at terrible risk by being here. I could see how such rapid healing would make violence commonplace, casual even. "Well, I've got alcohol and Band-Aids back at my apartment," I explained, desperate to find an excuse to go now that I had learned more than I probably ever should have.

Shadow bit her lip and thought for a moment. "I'm really not supposed to let you out of my sight," she explained.

"Well, you're welcome to come to my apartment. It's a little messy…" I stared at her youthful body, and suddenly I felt like a dirty old man. I began to stumble over my words. "You don't have to… worry about me… uh… not being a gentleman."

To my dismay, this got a wonderful laugh out of her. "Don't worry about me," she said with a brilliant sparkle in her eyes. "I can take care of myself." She laughed again and 'patted' my sore stomach firmly before turning and walking away.

I clutched my stomach in pain for a moment, until my breathing returned to normal. «I bet you're right about that,» I told myself.


	18. Apartment

Shadow and I walked back to the car without discussion. I stayed close to her side without touching her, and tried not to look for movement in the shadows.

We drove back to my place with the windows rolled down, enjoying the night's coolness. I glanced over at her as I drove and marveled at how happy and free she seemed. Her head laid atop her arm which rested on the door. She had her eyes closed and was letting her hair blow in the wind. I felt more pangs of lust and guilt as we approached my apartment.

"I don't know if this is such a good idea," I said to her.

I thought she might even be asleep, but she answered right away. "You don't think what is such a good idea?" Her eyes were still closed, and she seemed unconcerned.

"Having you over at my apartment." I glanced over at her again. "I mean, uh, what will my neighbors think if they see you? I'm… and you're…"

"Are you allowed to have pets?" she asked. Her voice still contained no trace of worry.

"Uh, yeah, I guess so," I said.

She didn't reply, so I glanced back again.

Shadow was gone and a large, dark-brown dog sat where she had been. She stuck her head out the window and let her long tongue flap in the breeze.

«Great,» I thought to myself, «I wonder if there's a clause in my lease about having werewolves as pets.»

I unlocked the door and Shadow rushed inside, padding from room to room, sniffing this and that. "Don't worry," I said. "I don't have any roommates… or cats…" I added.

Pausing only to drop the few blinds that were still up, I grabbed a clean pair of underwear and jeans from a drawer and changed in the bathroom. When I came back out, Shadow looked like an ordinary teenage girl again. She took the rubbing alcohol and cotton balls from me, sat me down in a chair, and started to dab at my wounds.

"Don't be such a baby," she said when I gritted my teeth. She held out her right arm for me to see. A long and jagged, white scar stretched from the back of her wrist to her elbow. I couldn't imagine just how much such a wound would have hurt. I had never noticed it before, and I wondered how it had happened.

This night was certainly the strangest I had ever experienced, but she made chit-chat as if it were just another day. "I don't know how she does it. Teacher of Cubs has such wonderful control. If I tried to nip someone on the neck, I'd probably kill them." She laughed comfortably and I chuckled nervously along. If that was meant to reassure me, it failed miserably.

Desperate, I tried to change the subject. "So, have you always been a werewolf?"

"Garou," she corrected me. "Yeah, I guess so. You just don't know it until you change for the first time, and even then it takes a while to accept, sometimes." I could feel her shrug as she dabbed my cuts.

I handed her the Band-Aids and she began to apply them.

"It's genetic, y'know – at least, it is now that people believe in genes. I guess there's probably more Garou in my family, but it's, uh, kind of a hard question to ask."

I nodded dumbly and waited for her to finish. I wanted to ask more about her family. Had she run away from them? Did she live a double life? Did they know? Did they suspect? It was such a strange conversation that I didn't really know what to say.

When she was done, I thanked her and grabbed the soiled clothes that I had left balled-up beside the bathroom door. "Guess I'll toss these in the wash," I said, stalling. I really wanted to hear more, but I desired my reality in slightly smaller doses. I wanted to ease into this somehow.

"Hey, could you wash these too?" she asked, plucking at her shirt. "They haven't been washed in, um… ever," she said with an embarrassed grin.

I nodded. "Sure, no problem." I took a step toward the linen closet. "If you'd like, I'll get you a clean towel so you can take a shower as well."

"That would be great!" she said as she stripped off her shirt and dropped it to the ground. "You would not believe how long it's been since I've had a shower."

I tried not to stare, and failed. She had a lovely, if filthy, body. Her nipples looked like little more than smudges of pink on her perfectly-shaped breasts. She was thin - almost to the point of malnutrition, muscular, and criminally young. "In here?" she asked as she opened the linen closet and pulled out a towel. "Great!"

Shadow sat down on the floor and pulled off her shoes - canvas hightops that were probably more duct tape than canvas. Her feet were so dirty that it took a moment to realize she had no socks. She stripped off the rest of her clothes and walked into the bathroom without even closing the door.

I was completely speechless and I felt like my body was on fire. I knew I was blushing and it wouldn't have surprised me if my mouth was open. My jeans felt too tight and I was shamed by my arousal.

She hadn't seemed to have noticed.


	19. Bath Time

I heard the sliding glass door on the bathtub roll open. I heard the tub start to fill. It was not until the water shut off again that I realized I was still standing there like an idiot. I shook myself back to reality and collected up her clothes.

The poor girl had precious few possessions. Her shirt was threadbare, her jeans were torn. I checked her pockets to make sure that I didn't wash anything important, but they were all empty. She had no bra, no underwear, no identification, no money. I felt so sorry for her.

I guess that's pretty stupid, feeling bad for a werewolf because she has no money. It was a gut reaction. It was going to take some time to stop thinking of her as human.

I tossed her shoes in the wash as well, added some extra soap, and set it to 'hot'. I doubted that even that would get all of the dirt out, but it would have to do.

When the wash started, I sat down at the kitchen table and pulled out a sketch pad from my bag. I tried to draw, but only managed a few lines before my mind drifted away and I started chewing on the end of my pencil.

"Alex?" I heard her call. "Do you… would you mind coming in here? To keep me company?"

Reluctantly, I went inside and took a seat on the toilet. I tried not to stare at the lovely, teenage body in my tub.

Shadow was blushing a little. She covered her eyes with a hand for a minute and I looked again. Much of the grime had been washed away into water turned grey. Her body was pink and inviting. I wanted her so very badly.

"This is really stupid," she said. She looked up and I turned my eyes immediately away. "I'm just not used to being alone." She splashed around a bit and I could hear her lathering with soap. "The Garou are pack animals. We're always together. The pack is like a single person at times. It feels weird to be away from them."

I nodded, but could not manage words.

"What?" Shadow asked. I turned toward her and her eyes scanned my face for a few moments before deciphering my embarrassment. "Oh!" she said. She covered her breasts with her hands. "I'm sorry, Alex. I've been living with the Garou for so long that I completely forget how weird humans get about nudity."

She rolled the door mostly closed, until I could only see her face. "Is that better?" she asked.

"Really, it's no big deal." I lied. It felt strange how she referred to me as a 'human' – at least when she was looking like one as well.

"I remember how weird it was back when I first changed. And even though you think you'll never get used to it, it only takes a couple of months. And then it's like you had never cared whether you saw someone with or without clothes." She smiled. "You're always naked in lupus and crinos, and since mating with other Garou is considered worse than incest, you, just kind of... forget. Y'know?"

I nodded and tried to change the subject again. "Lupus and crinos?"

"Wolf and wolf/man forms," she explained.

"An uneasy silence started to stretch. It was so weird for me to sit here and talk to her, knowing that she was not human.

"What's it like?" I finally asked her. "What's it like to change shape?"

Shadow closed her eyes and laid way back in the tub. A blissful smile washed over her face. "It's wonderful!" she said and stretched out her arms over her head. "Changing shape is like pure freedom... It's like giving in to something that's been locked away inside you." She reached over and laid her head down on her arms before looking up at me with a dreamy expression.

"In the movies, it's always really painful."

"Well that's just retarded. It's not painful at all," she said. "Changing shape is like stretching your back after a long nap, except that it's all over your body. It tingles afterward.

"You feel different in the different forms. It's kind of hard to think in crinos, but you feel like a god. It's as if nothing could stand in your way… When I'm in lupus, my emotions run free, but I can hear everything, smell everything, and run like the wind."

She closed her eyes and sighed contentedly. "What's it like to do magic?"

"Geez," I groaned and sat back against the toilet tank. "I haven't really thought about it."

She gave me gentle look and waited for me to figure out a way to describe it.

"It's like you're bigger than yourself… like you don't stop at your skin, and when people are nearby, they're actually inside of you." I shrugged my exasperation. "The feeling is so strange, but natural. You can tell what other people are thinking because their minds are inside of you…"

Shadow nodded and then, suddenly, looked stressed. "Can you read my mind?"

I shook my head. "I haven't tried. Even though you're 'inside' me now, I usually have to try to be able to do it," I sighed. "And it's like you're looking at something you shouldn't be… or worse, touching someone in a way that you shouldn't."

Shadow relaxed and sat back in her bath again.


	20. Mages

"So... What can you tell me about mages?" I asked.

"Okay, now I've never actually met one before, so all I can tell you is what my packmate, Cooper, told me.

"He said that unlike all of the movies and books about wizards and magic and stuff, mages aren't always smart."

I crinkled up my brow and stared at her for a moment.

"That's what he said!" She waited for me to node before continuing. "Y'see, in all those movies and books, wizards have to study and study and memorize spells and stuff until they can do magic. But in real life, it just kind of happens. He said that your spirit 'awakens,' and it doesn't matter if you're smart or dumb. You just become a smart or dumb guy that can do magick."

As much as I would have liked to have argued this point, I had to admit that it was at least true for me. I had no idea how I did magick, and why I could when others could not.

"So that means that just because they can do magick, you may still be able to trick them. Also, Cooper said that, just like the Garou, the mages are broken up into groups that don't get along with each other. So if you run into a bunch of them, it might be possible to get them to fight among themselves."

I nodded uncomfortably.

"Oh! This is important. Cooper said that there are two kinds of magick."

"Two kinds?" I repeated.

"Yeah, you've got your 'movie' magick, like lightning bolts and stuff, and then you've got your coincidences."

"Coincidences?"

"Yeah, like a cop's gun that _just happens_ to have silver bullets in it. That's coincidence magick."

I scrunched up my face, trying to see the significance of her words. It was interesting, I thought, that she had mentioned silver. I guess the old legends were correct and it _was_ their Achilles heel.

Shadow misunderstood my reaction and continued talking. "I bet the mages wish we didn't know that!" she said with a laugh. "It's a dangerous trick to use, but it could just save your life."

I shook my head in confusion. "I guess I don't see the difference," I explained. "If both kinds of magick change reality, then what's the difference?"

Shadow shook her head like I was a slow child. "Everyone knows that people _can't_ shoot lightning from their fingertips. That's what makes it impossible. Everyone knows that even though it is very unlikely, a policeman _can_ put silver bullets in his gun. That's what makes it possible."

She waited for me to nod and urge her on.

"In both cases, the mage is bending reality to his desires. But reality knows it's being bent in the case of the lightning, and it doesn't realize it in the case of the bullets. Get it?"

I nodded a few times before shaking my head 'no'. "So what? So what if reality knows that you're changing things around? Why would that matter?"

Shadow laughed and reached through the partially-opened door. She grabbed the rug under my feet and gave it a little tug. "Coincidences are like tugging on fabric. You pull here and it gets a little tighter in some places and a little looser in others. A mage pulls a badge from an empty pocket here, and something strange happens elsewhere. Maybe some guy's car stalls for no good reason, a couple hundred miles away." She shrugged. "Maybe two or three weird things. Maybe none if it was a small enough magick. And then it's as if it never happened at all. Reality misses it completely."

I nodded and saw that Shadow's scarred arm was getting goose-pimpled. She pulled it back into the tub and splashed around a bit before she finished explaining. "When a mage does movie magick, he uses the Earth's power to pull the fabric very hard... Hard enough to rip it and make something impossible happen."

I put my chin in my palm and stared at the rug, imagining a rip between my feet. "So what comes out of this rip?" I asked her. "More weirdness?"

Shadow nodded and slid back into the water. "You see, the mage rips reality right where they're standing, and the rip stays with them. They have no way of healing the rip themselves, so they hold it inside. When they let it go, more weirdness comes out. Only then can the rip heal.

"The more impossible the magick they do, the bigger the rip they hold inside, the more weirdness comes out when they release it. If they do a lot of impossible things before letting it go, then it's just all the more spectacular when it comes out."

Shadow smiled in a less-than-pretty way, her eyes focused on something in her mind. "If you can trick them into doing enough movie-magick, then they won't be able to hold it all inside, and the weirdness will get them." She looked over at me. "You don't want to be too close when that happens, 'cause you never know just what might happen."

I can't explain how it distressed me to hear that the only things Cooper had taught her about us mages was how to defeat us in a fight. It made me feel like I was her enemy, even though I could not imagine wanting to hurt her.

I shuddered and thought about what she had said. This seemed like a very interesting – and scary – concept. "So why do they hold it inside? Why don't they just let it out every time they tear reality?"

Shadow ran a finger along the track that the glass doors follow while she thought. "I guess it's for the same reason that rug gets tighter in some places and looser in others. Maybe you have to have one to have the other." She shrugged. "I suppose the magick they do could be balanced or undone by the weirdness if they let it out right away." She set her jaw in thought. "Like borrowing money... If you pay it back immediately, then what was the point in borrowing it?"

I sat back against the tank and rubbed my face with my hands for a few moments. "I see what you means," I said finally, "there _is_ a lot of stuff I need to learn." «And from the sound of it,» I told myself, «it sounds like some of it would be best not to find out by trial-and-error.»


	21. Flavors

There was a long pause as I stared at the rug. I heard her open the drain.

"So where do we start?" I asked

"Huh?"

"How do I start learning how to be a mage... so I can protect your secrets?"

Shadow peeked back around the frosted glass. "First, I guess you have to figure out what flavors of magick you can do."

"Magick comes in flavors?"

Shadow nodded and stood up behind the glass. I stared at her indistinct outline and resisted my desires to push the door aside. "Yeah, Coop says there's like ten different flavors of magick. I can't remember all of them. There's spirit magick, and energy magick, and life magick, um..." She splashed around with her feet as she tried to remember the others. "I think time was one of them. Cooper would remember the others."

"So, different mages can only do certain kinds of magick?" I asked.

"Yeah," she yelled out as she turned the shower on. "For example, some mages can shoot lightning bolts, and others can't. Even if they can do more powerful stuff, they may not be able to control energy."

I didn't like the sound of something more powerful than 'shooting lightning bolts'.

"So, I figure that you have to discover what kinds of magick you can do. Practice it enough that you can learn to control it, and then," she shrugged as she rinsed away the soap, "then I guess I can go back to my pack."

Shadow shut off the water. I handed her a towel and walked back to my bedroom where I took a seat on the bed.

It sounded so impossible to figure this all out without someone who had done it before. I put my elbows on my knees and my face down in my hands.

"Hey, cheer up, Alex," I heard Shadow say. She put a wet hand on the back of my head. I looked up and saw that she was wrapped in the towel. "It's not all that bad, is it?"

She sat down beside me. "You found out things that most people will never know... You learned that you can do amazing things that most people will never be able to do... I didn't tear your throat out, even though you deserved it..." She gave me a wink. "Sounds like a pretty good day to me!"

I nodded and smiled before sighing. "I guess you're right. Look, I'm pooped. Could we start all this stuff in the morning?" She nodded and I gestured out toward the living room. "The couch isn't much, but it's very comfortable..."

Shadow whined in distress like a puppy and I dropped my arm. "All right," I sighed and grabbed my pillow. "Why don't you take the bed and I'll sleep on the couch?"

She whined again and I looked her in the eyes. "_What_?"

She seemed very agitated and it took her several attempts to get words to come out. "It's just that… I don't like… being alone…"

I dropped my head and my stomach filled with butterflies. How the hell was a guy supposed to win? I was feeling good about having stared at her as little as I had! I felt like I would explode if she insisted on sleeping with me. "No, I don't think that's a good idea..."

"I don't snore. I won't hog the covers. You won't even know that I'm here," she told me, and before I could respond, she had already transformed back into a large, dark-brown dog and curled up at the foot of the bed. The towel dropped away onto the floor.

I sighed - defeated. How could I argue with a wolf? I gave her a scratch behind the ears and a kiss on the forehead. "Goodnight."

She licked my face in return.

I shut off the light and climbed into the bed. «At least she doesn't smell like a wet dog.» I told myself and drifted off into a restless sleep.

My dreams were most disturbing - strange and wonderful at times, but disturbing nonetheless.

I dreamed that Shadow had crept under the covers. She climbed on top of me, and slowly changed into a monster. She tore away my underclothes and began to smell my neck like she was trying to decide just how I would taste.

She was huge and her muscles were rock-hard. Ever so slowly, she opened her terrible jaws and eased them around my throat, just like the black wolf had done.

I was scared, but in a sick and unexpected way, excited. Moving even more slowly than she had, I put my hands on her hips and pulled her down on top of me. She never released my throat, and the lovemaking that followed was slow, wonderful, and very, very weird.


	22. Lonely

I awoke before the dream concluded, and sat up in bed. My eyes adjusted quickly to the darkness and I stared at Shadow lying at the foot of my bed. She really did look like a shadow in the dim moonlight. She looked back at me with sad, puppy-dog eyes - literally.

Shadow changed slowly back into a teenage girl. The light was too poor for me to make out many details, but I knew that she was still naked. I had fallen asleep so soon after her bath that I hadn't even moved her clothes to the dryer.

"I can't sleep," I said.

"I'm sorry about that."

"It's not your fault, Shadow."

"You were having weird dreams, weren't you?"

I nodded.

"Then it is my fault," she said. "You see, humans can sense that we're monsters. They don't know what we are, but they can tell that we're different, at least at some sub-conscious level. If we even get close to a human, they have nightmares or erotic fantasies." She sighed a sound of terrible weariness. "Mostly nightmares."

"Really?" I asked, incredulous.

Shadow nodded. "Jack, my pack leader, says it's because the Garou run on rage like cars runs on gas. He says that the anger is so close to the surface that it brings out the animal instincts in everyone that comes close to us… He said it brings out the three F's."

"Fight, flight, or… reproduce," I volunteered.

Shadow smiled wide and her white teeth gleamed like those of the Cheshire cat. "Basically," she answered with a tiny laugh.

"I feel much better."

She cocked her head to the side the way a dog would do. "Why's that?"

I could feel my face blush, but there was no backing out of an explanation now. "Because… because I've been having… dreams… about you ever since we met."

Shadow laughed aloud and put her hand on my leg.

"It's not funny!" I said, but I was starting to laugh as well. "I've felt like a dirty old man for three weeks!"

"A dirty old man?" she laughed. "Why?"

"Why? Because I'm twenty-nine and you're what, fifteen? Of course I'm feeling weird about these damn dreams!"

Shadow laughed and slapped my leg. "I'm seventeen. That makes me over a hundred in dog years!" She laughed again and rolled on the bed beside me. She laid her head on my chest and wrapped an arm around me. "Thanks," she whispered.

"Thanks? For what?"

I could feel her shrug against my chest. She ran her hand over the sheet and I marveled at the heat coming off of her body. It was as if she was on fire. Her voice was quiet now, distant. "You don't know what it's like… to be a monster."

I had never really thought about it and now the lightness in my heart was starting to sink. I put a comforting hand on her bare shoulder and nearly flinched away from the heat, but she did not seem to notice.

"People see me, and they walk away. Even in my human skin I scare people… you don't know how much that hurts. I don't need everyone to like me, but you can't imagine what it's like to have everyone afraid of you."

"You don't scare me," I said.

"I know. That's one of the things that makes you so special to me." Shadow was still for several moments and I had no idea what to say. "We, the Garou, have a very hard life. We scare people and wolves alike. We fight. We kill. Most of us with human parents don't live past twenty-five. Those of us that come from wolves rarely live past seven.

"We live for our packs." I thought I heard a quiver in her voice. "Other Garou aren't scared of us, so we grow close to them, but since it's forbidden for us to ever love each other… Well, human disbelief is not the only reason we're dying out…"

My heart squeezed up into my throat. "How do you…"

"Most of us never find love these days. More and more, my people die without ever finding another. Less and less Garou are born every year."

My heart started racing. I wasn't sure if she was just telling me how things are, or trying to guilt-trip me, or trying to seduce me. All I knew was that I felt ten different kinds of strange. My throat was unimaginably dry.

The air between us was silent. Neither of us knew what to say and neither expected the other know.

I turned on the bedside lamp and walked to the bathroom to get a drink of water. When I returned, Shadow was laying on her side with her head on my pillow, her naked body on top of the sheets. It still felt strange to see her without her clothes, but not as bad as before. Four parallel scars wrapped around her left kidney and ribs. Each of the white lines was jagged and as wide as my pinkie. I sat down beside her and touched the scars gently with my fingers. Her flesh - hot from the transformation - had cooled, and now felt soft and warm.

"What happened here?" I asked.

"First fight," she answered without looking at me. She was still staring into space.

The lines were smooth and flat on her muscular waist. A pair of white dots, set every half-inch, straddled the lines and marked where crude stitches had been. "How long ago…?"

"About a year," she said. "We heal fast."

I laid my hand over the wounds and she rested her hand over mine. Her touch felt comforting, her eyes didn't move.

"I'm sorry."

"Who cares?" she answered. "I'm not human, I just look like one. Who cares if we fight and carve each other up with our claws? Who cares?" She buried her face into the pillow. "The world is finished with us. Maybe it's for the best."

I laid down behind her slowly and pressed my body up against her own. I rested my hand back on her wounded kidney. "I care," I whispered.

Shadow didn't say a word. She put her hand over mine, picked it up, and wrapped my arm around her body. She held my hand lightly to her soft face.

I laid there for the longest time. I closed my eyes and breathed in the smell of her hair. I still couldn't sleep.

"I can't sleep," she told me. "I miss my pack."

I nodded and squeezed her to my chest. "I know."

She was quiet a while longer. "I raided your 'fridge while you were sleeping."

I shrugged. "Make yourself at home, Shadow."

She made a happy sound and snuggled a little closer. She kissed the back of my hand.

"What kind of name is Shadow?" I asked. "Are your parents hippies?"

She laughed softly. "The spirits gave me the name. It's short for Shadowfist. My parents named me…" She paused a long time like she was trying to remember or decide whether she should say. "Carla," she whispered.

I closed my eyes and tried to drift off, but it was impossible. Hell, even keeping my eyes closed was impossible. "Shadow," I said. "you have a beautiful body, and even though I know it's wrong, I want you very badly. As long as I'm staring at it, I am not going to fall asleep."

Shadow nodded. "I understand."

She rolled over in place and then crawled on top of me, her knees straddling my hips. She reached over to the night stand and clicked off the light. "Is that better?" she whispered. Her breath was hot on my lips.

"This is wrong," I whispered. "This is very…"

My words evaporated as our lips met. She kissed me and I kissed her back. She ran her hands over my chest and I caressed her body in return. She felt so wonderful.

She kissed me all over and eased my underwear off without tearing them. I sat up and she laid back down.

I could not keep my lips off of her body and she moaned softly in response.

She bit my ear and scratched her short fingernails down my back while we made love. It was a slow and patient act.

She held me tight for the longest time and ran her fingers over my sweaty skin. "Thank you," she whispered as I drifted off to sleep.


	23. Saturday, April 29th

I woke up still laying atop Shadow's soft and bony body. She had tucked a pillow between my head and her shoulder. Her arms were wrapped around me and mine were tucked underneath her shoulders.

"Omigod," I gasped and lifted my weight off of her slender form. She smiled and pulled me back down on top of her. "I must be crushing you," I said.

Shadow laughed and gave me a soft kiss on the lips. "I think I'm a little tougher than you give me credit," she whispered. "Besides, if I didn't want you on top of me, you wouldn't be."

"This is terribly wrong…" I said and tried to get up again. "You're only seventeen…"

"What?" she asked. She put her hands on my buttocks and pulled my crotch down against her own. She wrapped her legs around mine. "Do you think that I'm some naïve little schoolgirl? That you seduced me?" She smiled and bit her lower lip. "I'm more grown-up than I ever wanted to be. The odds are against me ever living to your age. I've killed people… I've… I've _eaten_ people.

"This body…" she took her hands and ran them across her breasts, "this is who I _used_ to be. You look at this and think that you made love with a girl who has not yet become a woman, but that's not it at all. The monster that nearly broke your neck last night when you pleaded to see the caern… that's who I _am_."

I didn't want to think about her killing anyone. I looked at her. I stared at her face and her dark eyes. I shook my head 'no'. "I don't think you know yourself as well as you think." I lowered my body down on top of hers and she squeezed me tight.

When I finally climbed out of bed, I wrapped myself in a bathrobe and stumbled to the washer. I tossed everything in the dryer and then stumbled back to the kitchen to dredge up some breakfast.

Shadow was already there, going through my cabinets. She was dressed in one of my sweatshirts, and it exposed her backside when she reached for the top shelf.

I wrapped my arms around her and squeezed her tight. "There's a wolf in my kitchen," I said with a smile.

She squeaked softly and put her hands behind my back.

"Let's see what I can offer you…" I said and opened my empty refrigerator. It had not been that barren since I first moved in. "What?"

The leftovers were gone and the Tupperware was in the sink. The milk and juice were gone; the sandwich meat, the cheese, and fruit had disappeared. Even though there were no pots or pans out, my eggs were still missing. I opened the crisper and was shocked to see that even the rubbery celery that I had been meaning to throw out was gone.

I looked up at Shadow and stared. She bit her lower lip again. "I raided your 'fridge," she reminded me.

I lifted the front of her sweatshirt and stared at her naked stomach. It was still as flat and skinny as it had been the night before. "Wow," was all I could say. I could see that keeping her fed while I figured out how to control my magick was going to be more than a simple trick.

I opened the freezer and was glad to see that there was still a little in it. She had eaten my ice cream and left the rest. I grabbed a package of bacon and her eyes lit up. I pulled out my largest frying pan and set it down on the stovetop. "All of it?" I asked her.

'Please?' she mouthed.

Shadow fried up all the bacon and gobbled it down before it even had a chance to cool. I sat quietly at the table and munched on a bowl of painfully-dry cereal. When she finished - and I swear that it did not take long - she sat down in my lap and wrapped her arms around my neck. Her face and the sweatshirt were covered with bacon grease. "Thanks," she said and began munching on what was left of my cereal. I tried not to think about what would happen if I ever let the 'fridge get empty again. "Are you ready to go?"

I shook my head and stripped off her sweatshirt. "You need another shower." She wrapped her arms around my neck again and I carried her easily to the bathroom.

Shadow and I bathed slowly. We carefully washed every surface on each other's bodies. It was wonderfully sensual and I found myself wanting her again.

I lathered up my face and she snatched the razor from my hands. She shaved off my stubble with a careful, sensitive touch. I was a little apprehensive at first, but after sleeping with a werewolf, letting one shave my face didn't seem that big a risk. Once I relaxed, it was a wonderfully extravagance.

When she finished, she lathered up her armpits and put her hands behind her head, waiting for me to return the favor. "It's been a long time since I've shaved," she explained. "A girl doesn't get many chances to on the street."

I shook my head. "No, I'll cut you," I said and tried to hand her the razor back.

"With a _steel_ blade?" she laughed. "It would heal before you even knew you had done it."

I steadied my hand and did as she wished. It surprised me just how fun it was. It was a strange sort of thrill. I tried to hand her back the razor when I finished, but she ignored it and began to lather up her legs. I sighed deeply, lowered myself to my knees, beginning to shave her legs. "Cheer up," she told me. "As werewolves go, I'm not particularly hairy."

We both laughed.

When I was finally done, she gave me a big hug and a kiss. "You make me feel like a woman, Alex."

"You are a woman, Shadow. An extraordinary one."


	24. Sandwiches

When we had finished our shower, I asked her what we should do next. Suddenly, I felt much more enthusiastic about learning to be a mage.

Shadow grabbed her ragged clothes out of the dryer and pulled them on over her soft skin. "Well, first thing we're gonna' do is go to a sandwich shop." She caressed the soft denim of her jeans and sniffed her shirt with a smile. It was as if she had never worn clean clothes before. It hurt me to see her in those rags.

"You can't be still hungry, can you?" I asked. I thought about my empty refrigerator and the pound of greasy bacon she had for breakfast.

Shadow just smiled. "Grab your sketch pad and pencils. We'll be less conspicuous if it looks like you're drawing the customers."

I drove the two of us to the nearest sandwich shop. She spent the trip with her head out the window, enjoying the cool wind.

Shadow sat us down at one of the tables near where customers ordered their food.

The teenager behind the counter gave us weird looks for not ordering anything. Had it been a mom and pop shop he probably would have given us grief, but after a moment of staring he relaxed, seemingly glad enough that he didn't have to actually get up and do something.

Despite what Shadow had said, I felt horribly conspicuous. It was before the lunch rush and we were the only ones in the store. I pulled out my pad and began to sketch what I saw.

Shadow pulled her chair up close to my own so she could see me work. I didn't care about the drawing and it didn't bother me to have her see it.

The guy behind the counter noticed me drawing and tried to fix his hair for the picture.

The sketch was going along pretty good, although it looked more like an architectural drawing than 'art'. Two point perspective, very straight lines, dull, dull, dull.

Shadow jabbed me with an elbow and made a small gesture toward a fat woman in a green dress who was looking up at the menu. I hadn't noticed her come in.

I shrugged, ignoring the woman, and started erasing the mark my pencil had made when she elbowed me.

"I bet she wants a corned beef on rye, just like the one you gave me when we first met," she whispered in my ear. I nodded absently as I drew.

"What do you think she's going to order?" Shadow asked me.

I shrugged, not really paying attention.

Shadow pinched my arm and I turned to look at her face. Again she asked me the question, slower, but in the same hushed tones.

I was confused, but it passed in a moment. She wanted me to practice using my magick. I turned back toward the woman and stared at her, letting myself look at her thoughts.

At first I felt dirty, as if I were looking through her clothes with X-ray glasses, but then I realized that what she was going to order was in the front of her mind. It was what she was thinking about right then. I didn't have to peer down into her soul to see it.

"A vegetarian… a whole one, on wheat," I whispered back to Shadow, stunned that I knew, stunned that it had been so easy. "She wants extra mayonnaise too."

I didn't even bat an eye when I heard her order it. I just sat there, my sketching forgotten.

Shadow giggled happily and put her arm around my waist. I barely even noticed.

A group of three businessmen in suits must have come in while I was staring off into space, wondering how I could have read that woman's mind. Shadow nudged me again and I mumbled, "Half a BLT on white, half a meatball sandwich, and whatever the lunch special is."

Shadow smiled and I stared at her lovely, dark eyes. "It's really easy for you, isn't it?" she asked.

I closed my eyes and listened to them place their orders one by one. The words they said were the words they were rehearsing in their heads, tasting the sounds as if trying to decide whether they would be good to eat.

I opened my eyes and Shadow's face was still there in front of my own. I nodded slowly. "It's what they're thinking about right now," I whispered. "It's like I can hear it before they say it just by trying to."

Shadow grinned and nodded back at the woman in the green dress. She was sitting at a nearby table, unwrapping her sandwich. "What's she thinking about now?"

I looked at the woman and again it was easy. Her mind wasn't blank, it was just filled with dull and trivial things. "She doesn't like her sandwich," I whispered. "She's sick of this diet and she has to eat fast if she is going to run a few errands before going back to work."

I heard the lovely werewolf whispering in my ear. "She's wearing a wedding ring… what's her husband's name?"

I looked over at Shadow and then back at the lady in green. She wasn't thinking about her husband right now. I could feel the web of her thoughts, all crisscrossing tighter and tighter as I looked deeper. Some of her thoughts felt sticky and as I tried to push them aside they stuck to me and started to stretch and tear.

Suddenly, Shadow grabbed my arm tight and I noticed that the woman in green had one hand to her head. Her face was wrenched up as if she was in pain and my heart began to race. What had I done?

I tried to stand and rush to the woman's side, but Shadow's strong arm pulled me back down into my seat. "Listen to her thoughts," she said as she stood.

"Are you okay, ma'am?" she asked. The woman just smiled and pulled a bottle of aspirin from her purse. Her face relaxed like the pain had passed. "Do you want me to call someone?" Shadow asked and the woman shook her head.

"No, I'm fine," she said and washed a couple of pills down with her diet soda.

Shadow nodded and sat back down beside me. "Did you get it?" she asked me.

"What?" I hissed at her. "I could have really hurt her!"

Shadow looked at me with a gravely serious expression. "You are far more dangerous if you do not learn control. Trust me on this one. What would happen if you weren't paying attention? Or if you were angry?"

I saw what she meant. She relaxed a bit.

"Remember what you did, what you felt, and try not to do it again. Okay?"

I nodded slowly.

"Did you get it?" she asked again.

"Her husband's name is Jerry. He's a hypochondriac. She's afraid that if he found out she had a migraine, he would insist she go see a doctor and have a million tests done."

"You got all that?"

"When you asked her if you should call someone, she immediately thought about him," I explained.

Shadow nodded. "So if you get them thinking about something by asking them a question…"

I shuddered and felt dirty again. Now it felt more like poking my nose into someone else's business. "Yeah, I suppose."


	25. Sandwiches cont'

I guess she could sense how much this stressed me, so she suggested that I go back to guessing what people wanted to eat. I conceded, but after a half-dozen more people I realized it was too easy to present any challenge. I was already comfortable with this and not learning anything, not learning any self-control.

"This guy wants to try the soup," she whispered to me, pointing at an older, balding man.

"No, he doesn't," I corrected her. "He wants pepperoni, provolone, and green peppers."

"That'll give him heartburn," she said. "I think the soup would be a much better choice."

I turned to face Shadow and she looked back. "I won't do it. I could hurt him."

"You have to learn," she said. "Just like when the change came over me. If you resist it, you'll die or go insane. Don't ask me how I know that, but I do. Without embracing it, you'll be a walking time-bomb."

I looked down at my drawing and refused to look up at her or the man. I could hurt him. I could hurt him badly. I was afraid, but she was right. I knew she was right. Was it fair for me to play with others while I learned what I could and could not do? Could I move gently enough that I could stop if I started to hurt him?

Ever so slowly, I moved into his mind. I didn't have to see him. I could still feel him there, thinking about his sandwich.

«Soup,» I tried to think for him, but the web strands of his thoughts wanted to cling to me. I felt scared and I pulled gently away. I looked back up and he seemed no worse for the wear.

I turned back to Shadow and shook my head.

"Try," she mouthed with her soft lips.

I closed my eyes for a moment and then opened them back up. I sighed.

"The soup smells real good," I told her, just loud enough for him to hear. "Would you like a bowl?"

Suddenly, I felt his mind open to the possibility and the thought slipped right in.

"A bowl of your soup for me," I heard him say from behind me. I couldn't help but grin.

Shadow bit her lower lip and smiled. I stared at her. Her face gleamed like a thousand Watt light bulb and again I felt like I would be burnt by her radiance.

She put a hot hand on my leg and I concentrated again.

"I'll try a bowl of that soup," a woman behind the old man said.

Shadow squeezed my leg tight as she resisted the need to giggle. "Now try something different," she said and glanced up at the next person in line.

My eyes never left her face. "Egg salad," I whispered and her dark eyes disappeared into tiny crescents when the man behind the counter began to explain that they had no egg salad.

It wasn't very hard at all. Their thoughts were so sticky. All you had to do was hang the thought out there and let it touch. Some other thought always grabbed it and pulled it in.

"Potato salad, then," I whispered to Shadow.

"How much potato salad would you like?" I heard the kid behind the counter say.

Shadow smiled wide and moved her face closer to mine. Her lips were only inches away from my own. I wanted to kiss her again, right there in front of everyone.

"Something gross," she whispered to me.

"Um… how much… sauerkraut do you… um… want on your tuna salad?" I heard the kid say in a surprised voice.

Shadow giggled again and her lips moved closer.

Suddenly, I felt the thoughts of a business yuppie. I could feel him sitting at the table beside me, staring. «She's just a kid!» he was thinking. «This is gross!»

It made me feel angry. Shadow was more than just a kid. Much more.

It was too easy. I dangled the thought in front of him and I felt his mind grab it. I sat back, moving away from her tempting lips. She did the same.

"Your daughter dresses like a bum," the man beside me said.

I didn't look at him when I nodded. All I could do was stare at her radiance. "Yeah, I know," I said. "I try to buy her new clothes," I explained, "but she won't take my money. She has her mother's stubbornness."

Shadow blushed red and scrunched up her face.

"Well, take this then," the man said and stuffed a few green bills into her hand. I couldn't help but smile.

Still, I didn't look at him. "Well?" I said. "What do you say, dear?"

"Thank you, mister," she said in a low voice as I folded up my sketch pad.

I offered her my hand and she took it.


	26. Blue

We felt triumphant during the ride home and Shadow bounded back up the stairs to the apartment on all fours. I watched her tail wag happily and thought about what we had done last night. I could not decide just why I felt so strange.

Was it because I had feelings for a woman so young? Was it because she wasn't a woman at all? Did what we did count as bestiality? Would it have if she were a wolf at the time? The very fact that I even asked myself those last two questions scared me.

Despite all of Shadow's assurances, I felt like our relationship was immoral, unnatural. It went against the values with which I had been raised. I just wasn't sure which ones.

Why had I done it? Was it because she's beautiful? Was it because I felt sorry for her?

Was it like she said, a reaction to her 'animal magnetism'? I hoped not. I wanted to believe that I chose my own actions and I wasn't a puppet to her strange magick, but how could you know? Today had been a very clear case of how someone else's thoughts could become your own.

Was it because of something stranger still? Was I falling in love with this young woman - this young woman who was not a woman at all? Was she falling in love with me?

What happens to humans that fall in love with werewolves? What would her pack do to me? What would they do to her?

I didn't know the answers to any of these questions, but I doubted that I would have liked them if I did.

We went inside and I sat down on the floor with my back against the door. I clutched my stomach. Something was wrong.

I glanced about and was relieved to see that the blinds were still drawn.

Shadow was looking human again and staring at the money the man had given her. "How on Gaia's Earth did you do that back there?" she laughed.

I just put my head down on my knees and moaned.

I felt her hot hand on my cheek. "Alex? Alex? Are you okay? What's wrong?" she asked. "Does it hurt?"

I shook my head. "No. Doesn't hurt, but something's wrong. I can feel it."

I thought back to first time I had touched someone's mind - the feeling that I had removed a can from the middle of a stack. Is that what I was feeling now? Were the cans about to topple?

Shadow was beside me now, I could feel her arms around my shoulders. She was shushing away my worry.

"Alex, it's probably just the weirdness. You must have torn reality back there." She squeezed me tight. "You have to let it out. You have to let the weirdness out of you."

"What's going to happen if I do?"

"I don't know," she said. "But I know what'll happen if you don't let it out, and it isn't pretty.

"Relax," she cooed softly. "It shouldn't be anything worse than what you did to the people at the sandwich shop."

"Are you sure?" I asked.

I could feel her shrug and squeeze me closer. I put my arms around her and tried to relax. She felt so good that I could not imagine ever letting go.

"How do I do it?" I asked, but realized she could not possibly know. I probed inside of myself with my mind, looking for the tear. I could not feel it.

If something inside of me was torn, I decided, it must be quite small. I squeezed Shadow tight and willed the tear away. I tried to feel normal. I tried to make it all like it had been before.

After a few minutes, I felt myself relax in her embrace. I didn't feel worried any more.

I had no idea if I had succeeded in repairing the tear she figured I had inside me, but I did feel better.

"Shadow? Why did you want me to try to use my magick?" I whispered. "I thought that the Garou hated when mages did that."

"Not exactly," she whispered back. "Everything in the world is made of energy. Mages can just use that energy to change what the rest of us think is reality. I guess that's okay, to use the energy inside yourself to do things. I suppose I do it also when I change shape."

"Well, then why do the Garou hate us so?"

"Because not all mages stick to the energy they have inside themselves. Some of them want more and more power, enough to do greater and greater feats of magick."

Now it was starting to make sense to me. The violet lines were lines of power, and where they met were places of power. "So, the mages go to places like the one your pack protects, and they take the power?"

I could feel her nod.

I didn't understand the Garou's connection to the Earth, but it had to be important to them. I could still remember how she was that night she punched me, how sincere she sounded.

I opened my eyes and looked at Shadow. She opened her eyes too and started staring at me, wordless.

"What?" I asked.

Shadow just shook her head very, very slowly. "I think you succeeded in releasing the weirdness," she said. A smile crept onto her face and she tried to force it away.

"What?"

Shadow began to chuckle, stifled it and then began to laugh.

"What?"

"You're not feeling… depressed? Are you?" she howled between laughs. She rolled on the floor beside me and I wondered if the weirdness had gotten into her. Was it making her laugh?

I put my hands to my face, wondering if it was something she had seen in my eyes. "No. I feel fine," I told her. "Why?"

She looked back up at me and then began to laugh harder. "You just… look… a little… blue," she howled and clutched at her sides.

"Are you okay?" I said and reached out for her. My hand didn't touch her. It froze before me, and I stared at it.

It was… blue.

I stared at my other hand. It was blue as well; and not a pale blue, either! When I say I was blue, I mean I was _blue_. A deep, royal blue.

I rushed to the bathroom and stared at my blue face in the mirror. This was a catastrophe! How was I going to live my life looking like a gigantic Smurf?

I started the water in the sink and began to scrub viciously at my bright blue flesh. Whatever this blue stuff was, it was not coming off!

Shadow wandered in through the open bathroom door and her quieting laughter trebled. "It's not funny!" I shouted at her.

She wrapped her arms around me and pulled me into a hug. I tried to resist, but despite her small size, she is much stronger than I am. Eventually, I sagged in her arms and then closed my eyes, returning the embrace.

"It's not funny," I told her.

"Yes, it is."

"Yeah," I said sarcastically. "A real laugh riot."

"Maybe you're royalty now. You know, one of those blue-bloods."

"That's not funny," I said, but I could feel a chuckle rising inside of me. I let a little of it out as I leaned on her strong shoulder.

"It's a shame Halloween is so far away," she said. "The two of us would have great costumes."

I giggled and slapped her butt with my hand. She giggled too and pulled her face from my shoulder. She kissed me softly on the cheek and I looked up. "I think it's starting to fade," she whispered.

I glanced in the mirror. It did look a little lighter.

I stood there and stared at my reflection, watching the blue slowly fade and my normal coloring return.

"How did you know it would do that?" I asked.

"I didn't," she said. "But Cooper never said anything about mages being blue. I figured it couldn't last forever."


	27. Animal

She kissed me softly on the lips and I closed my eyes. Her touch felt so good, and again I wanted her.

She kissed me harder and made a happy little growl in the back of her throat. It scared me and reminded me of what she really is.

I pulled away and Shadow stripped off her shirt in a single fluid motion.

I took a step backward, out of the bathroom, and saw her face blanche.

"You're frightened of me?" she asked.

I stared at her. I wanted her. I wanted to touch her, to hold her. I wanted her in every carnal way I could think of. I tried to use my magick to see if she was putting thoughts into my mind, but if she was, I could not sense it.

"I would never hurt you, Alex," she said, obviously hurt. "I saved your life because you are a decent human being. Why would I want to hurt you?"

"I'm not scared," I said, fairly certain it was true.

She put her hands over her heart and her lower lip started to tremble. "You don't find me attractive?"

"No, that's not it at all, Shadow!" I put my hands out for a moment, wanting to take her in my arms, but I could not make myself touch her. "I find you very attractive."

"Then why don't you want me?" she asked.

"I do want you."

"Then what's wrong, Alex? If you want me and I want you, then what's wrong?"

"What's wrong? What's right about us?"

"But, last night… last night we… I… you…" Large tears were forming in her eyes and I wanted to rush to her, to hold her.

"Last night was a mistake. We got carried away. We should never have done that."

"What? A mistake?" she sobbed and her face scrunched up in pain. She didn't look away and I could not either.

"Yes… I'm…" «What am I? Am I too old? Is it that I'm human?» "and you're just…"

The word 'just' was a mistake. This whole conversation was a mistake, but the change in her eyes I saw when I said 'just' was undeniable.

"Just? Just what?" she snapped angrily. Her sadness drained away and I didn't like the rage that replaced it. What had I done? "Just a child?" There was a long, savage pause. "Just an _animal_?"

I put my hands up and took a couple of slow steps backward. «She's going to kill me. Good going, Alex.» My mind scrambled for anything I could say to calm her, but I couldn't think of anything that wouldn't just make it worse (if that was possible).

"What is with you?" she asked. "How can you not understand? I'm not ashamed of what I am, so why are you?" She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. "I'm not a child… I'm not an _animal_."

Shadow stared at me, stared me in the eyes. "What do you see when you look at me?" she asked. I did not like the sound of her voice. I had heard it before when relationships had gone sour. I suppose everyone had at one time or another, but this time it would be different. I wondered if any previous girlfriends would have torn my throat out if they could.

I was very scared. I could feel my heart racing, my need to run.

Ever so slowly, Shadow began to change. The fur came first, and then the muscles, and then she grew larger. Then came the fangs and claws.

She was gigantic. Her horse-sized head stooped so it did not hit my ceiling. She was a perfect combination of wolf and man. Even through her thick brown fur I could see her muscles. She was not massive like a bear, but massive like a bodybuilder.

I stared at her, unable to move, studying every line and curve. She was perfect in a way I could not explain. Just like her human body, there was not an ounce of fat.

She tried to talk and I saw how difficult it was for her with a mouth that was made only for howling. I remembered when she said how difficult it was to think when she took this form. I hoped she could see me as something other than prey. "This… how… see… me?" she asked.

I didn't say a word. I just stared. She stepped closer and put her furry face down to my own, too close, trying to scare me, trying to hurt me back as I had hurt her.

It was astounding to see her move. I had seen her like this once before, but it was in the dark. I did not realize just how graceful she was. "Beautiful…" I whispered to myself, stunned.

I reached out to touch her and she did not move. Her fur was soft, but a little coarse. Her jaws opened a little and for a moment I thought she was going to attack me, but there was no sound from her. She just stared at me, slack-jawed.

I touched her again, now with both hands. I studied her massive chest and shoulders. I explored with my fingers. She was wider across than my doorway. I could not guess just how much she weighed. 500 lb.? 600? More?

Her muscles were hot and rock hard. There was no softness in her anywhere but her eyes. I thought I saw a tenderness there, a longing to be something else, something that people didn't fear.

I pulled away from her bright green eyes and stared instead at her arms.

I tugged softly at a wrist as large as my thigh and she let me move her arm. I studied it and saw it was jointed no different than my own. Her hands were almost human, differing only in size, fur, and very dangerous claws.

I started to walk around her and she just stood there, dumbfounded I suppose. I studied her torso and her back. I studied her legs and how she blended from almost human down to almost wolf. Her legs and feet were lupine, but enormous. Her gigantic leg muscles easily held her upright. I wanted to know how fast she could run. I wanted to see her in motion.

I put my hand on her tail and stroked it slowly down to its tip. Shadow made a growling sound, and for a moment I was overcome with fear. I froze, waiting for a reaction. There was none. Only then did I notice that it was not a menacing sound. It was like the sound she had made when she kissed me, only deeper.

I turned on a few lights and she swung her massive, wolf's head around to look at me. Soon the studio was brilliantly lit and I could see her squinting. Her eyes were made for the darkness.

The light did nothing to detract from her beauty. Now I could see the subtle details I had been missing. A slight variation in the color of her pelt here, a scar there.

I ran my hands across her back as I circled her some more. I touched her softly, sensually. I tried to reach around her tapered waist, but could only touch her kidneys. I rested my hand where I knew the claw marks must be and felt for them beneath her fur. I knew that whoever or whatever had made them must have had claws at least as large as she did. She lowered her head and closed her eyes at the touch.

I picked up the sketchbook from the floor and began to draw her. She stared at the page and then at me. She cocked her head in confusion. I walked around her some more and continued to draw. The only animal I could think of that shared some of her might and powerful beauty was the tiger.

I gave her a little push and she took an awkward step. I backed away and gestured for her to come to me. She cocked her head and took another couple of steps. I walked off behind her and she craned her neck around to see me. She turned about and took a few steps closer. I marveled at how gracefully she moved, how silently she stepped.

I set my pad on the drafting table and began to draw. I drew her standing, her walking, her squatting, how she turned, how she moved. When a page got too full, I flipped to the next and continued to draw.

She stared at me and I looked up at her, finally stopping what I was doing. "You are the most beautiful creature I have ever seen, Shadow. In all of your forms."

She just stared at me and I returned to my sketching. She began to pace, and then to pose. She sat. She laid. She stretched. She prepared to pounce. She stood on two legs, and then on four. It was wonderful and I drank it all in. I sharpened the pencil when it got too dull and replaced it when it got too short. If my hand ever cramped, I did not notice it.

Without a word, Shadow shrank back to her human form. Her top was still bare, her eyes wide with wonder. She sat on a bar stool and I continued to sketch her, her face, her arms, her chest.

She stood and I sketched her standing. She walked and I sketched her walking. She smiled and I got that too.

Ever so slowly she shifted back into the form she had called crinos. I drew a progression of her in all of the in-between stages. I so wanted to take any one of the sketches and turn it into a finished drawing, but I didn't want to miss a thing. I wanted to capture every move she made, the way she looked at me, her eyes.

Her body shifted into that of a wolf, although she looked more like a large dog, I suppose. I just kept sketching.

When I tried to draw the transition to lupus, she shifted slowly back and forth so I could see all of the changes.

I was in heaven.


	28. Midnight Snack

I woke up in the darkness and stretched out my sore muscles. It didn't seem like I had slept through a night in the last year.

Slowly, I pulled myself out of bed and staggered toward the kitchen. I had been so tired after drawing that I just fell right asleep. I could barely remember climbing into bed.

We had had Chinese food delivered while I drew. I drank tea, but Shadow insisted on Dr. Pepper. Well, the beef chow mien had disappeared quickly and now I was hungry again. I felt like I could eat anything.

I slapped my forehead, stopping half-way to the refrigerator. «What was I thinking?» With Shadow in the apartment, I would be lucky if there was any frost left in the freezer. «Do _all_ werewolves eat this much?»

"You okay?"

I glanced over in my drawing table's direction. It was almost pitch dark, but the blinds had been opened and I could just see by the moon's light. Shadow was sitting there with something in her mouth.

I shuffled slowly over beside her, being careful not to stub my toe or bruise a shin on anything in my path.

She was looking through my drawings again. "Turn on a light. You'll hurt your eyes," I told her.

"Nah, I can see just fine in the dark," she whispered without turning away from the drawings. She flipped through the pages some more, silently.

I stared at her while she looked at the sketches. When she spoke, her voice was quiet, her eyes didn't seek me out. "Did you mean what you said last night… when you said that I was beautiful?"

Even in the darkness, she was lovely. I touched my hand to her cheek. "Yes, I meant it. You are the most beautiful woman I've ever seen."

"Even though I'm a werewolf?"

"Before I met you, I never would have guessed how beautiful a werewolf could be."

She looked up at me and I took my hand away. Her face was sticky, like a child's after eating candy.

"What are you eating?" I said, trying to keep the tremble from my voice. «Please, dear God, don't let it be one of my neighbors.»

Her smile caught the moonlight and I put my fingers to my mouth. It didn't taste like blood. It was sweet…

"You want a Popsicle?" she said and put the treat back in her mouth. "I got the munchies and walked down to 7•11."

I couldn't help but giggle with relief. "So you spent that guy's money on snacks, huh?"

I saw Shadow's mouth open wide before she too started to laugh. "Actually, I forgot I had that until just now. No, I just boosted the box."

"Shadow! You _stole_ them? Why did you steal them?"

"Alex, this is the first time I've had any money in over a year. Being a werewolf is great, but the pay sucks…" She stood up from the stool and I could feel her breath on my lips. "So, do you want one?" she asked.

I was hungry and I knew it was pointless to look in the 'fridge. "Yeah, sure. Why not?" I sighed.

Shadow reached down into a cardboard box and I could hear the sound of rustling paper and Popsicle sticks. I heard her giggle again. "Um… I guess this is the last one."

I sighed. Why didn't it surprise me that she ate the whole box?

She walked around me, towards my bedroom door. I could see how gracefully she moved, never feeling for a place to step. She stripped off her clothes as she went, turning to face me only for a moment before disappearing into my darkened bedroom.

"I guess you'll have to come and take it from me," she said.


	29. Sunday, April 30th

My alarm clock was going off somewhere. I tried to sit up, but didn't quite feel up to it. I couldn't remember setting the alarm.

There were the sounds of struggle and I looked over to see Shadow beating on the poor clock, trying to find a snooze button. "It's the button on the…" She yanked the clock from the wall and tossed it across the room. "…left."

Shadow wrapped her arms back around my body. "It was bothering me," she said in a very sleepy voice.

I was learning a lot about the occult from Shadow. I had never researched werewolves, but I was pretty certain that even mystic scholars did not realize their love of Popsicles and their natural hatred for alarm clocks. Werewolves love to sleep in.

"I should make us some breakfast," I said with a big yawn.

Shadow tightened her grip. "The cupboard's bare, old mother Hubert," she said with a giggle.

"Coffee, then."

"Nope."

"I should get up anyway."

"Nope."

She was not letting go. I couldn't tell if she was being stubborn or playful, but it was kind of nice.

"Well, if we're just going to lay here, I should at least tuck the sheets back in."

Shadow glanced around for a second at the covers that had peeled up from the mattress. "Nope."

It felt really good being held and I didn't want it to ever end. The bed was warm and Shadow's skin was soft. I felt like I could stay there forever. "Well, since it doesn't look like I'm getting out of bed this morning…" I whispered, "I guess I could make love to you again."

Shadow growled happily and began to lick the back of my neck. "Yup."

# # #

Someone was knocking at the door again. I tried to hit the snooze button, but the clock wasn't there anymore. "Whu?" I moaned.

"Alex, are you in there?" a voice called.

I crawled out of bed and glanced back at Shadow. She was still asleep.

I tossed on a bathrobe and answered the door. Rich was there, wearing a cap and a baseball glove. "Whu?" I repeated.

"Alex, man, what's with you?"

"Huh?"

"We were going to the park today, remember?"

"We were?"

"Today's Sunday, right?"

"It is?"

That sounded vaguely familiar, but so much had happened this weekend that I couldn't be sure. "I overslept," I mumbled and stumbled back to the bedroom. "I stayed up too late."

"Figures," Rich said and walked in behind me, flopping down on the couch. "It's almost noon! Hurry up, man."

"I have to shower," I said as I closed the door to my bedroom.

"Make it a quick one!" he yelled.

"Shadow! Shadow! Wake up," I hissed.

She put her arms around my neck without ever opening her eyes. "Mmm. I'm glad you're back."

I pulled away from her and gave her a little shake. She didn't look seventeen. Rich was going to think I was a child molester! Hell, perhaps I was. "I promised Rich I would go play catch in the park. You have to hide in here or he'll get suspicious."

"I wanna' go to the park too," she whined.

"No, that would be really, really bad."

She shook her head. "No. You're my ward. I can't let you out of my sight," she said with a yawn. She opened her eyes and seemed more awake now.

"Oh geez. Oh God," was all I could manage. "You _have_ to stay here."

"Nope."

«Are all werewolves this stubborn?»

Shadow slipped quickly out from under the covers and opened the door that lead back to the living room. "I'll go play catch with you."

I stared at her naked body and it felt like my heart would crawl up my throat. She closed the door behind her and I sat down on the bed, eyes wrenched shut. "No…"

"Hey, Alex!" I heard Rich yell. "When did you get a dog, man?"


	30. Catch

I took the fastest shower in my life and went out into the living room to find Shadow and Rich sitting on the couch. The TV was showing a re-run of M*A*S*H and Rich looked a little pale.

"He keeps growling at me whenever I try to change the channels."

I patted Shadow and gave her a hug from behind the couch. "Be a good _girl_," I told her. "Rich is a guest. Let him watch what he wants." Shadow licked my face with a slobbery kiss.

Rich stood up and Shadow laid down, taking up the whole couch.

"That is one scary dog," Rich said to me, never taking his eyes off of her. I guess what Shadow told me was true. People _could_ feel it.

"No, she's not. Shadow's a very good dog. Aren't you?"

Shadow barked once and I smiled.

"She followed me home the other day. Kind'a took over the place," I explained as I went back into the bedroom to get dressed.

"You took in a stray? Are you insane?"

"Shadow's a good dog. You might as well get acquainted, she's gonna' play catch with us."

"She doesn't even have a collar," Rich said, looking for excuses.

"Would you like a nice, new collar?" I yelled out.

Shadow barked once and I flashed a shit-eating grin at Rich. "We'll pick one up on the way."

"Better bring your own ball," Rich muttered, "I don't want that mutt chewing on mine."

# # #

We had a really good time at the park.

Rich and I would toss the ball back and forth and I would occasionally miss a catch so Shadow could go scampering after it.

The rest of the time Shadow would sit on the grass and occasionally scratch at her new collar with a hind paw.

"She's got fleas," Rich yelled.

"She doesn't have fleas. She's just showing off her new collar," I yelled back. I told her "Yes, it's very pretty."

Shadow barked once and I couldn't help but laugh. No one would ever believe I bought a collar and a leash for a werewolf. I wouldn't have bought the leash, but Shadow had picked it out and brought it to me in her mouth. I was afraid if I didn't get it, she would just 'boost' it.

I ordered her a tag that just said "Shadow". The lady behind the counter argued with me and called me irresponsible for not wanting to put a phone number on it. At first, it didn't seem right, but I eventually gave in. I figured that this way if she ever wanted to call me, she would have the number.

Rich and I joked and laughed as we always did at the park. We threw the ball and talked of mundane things, work, sports. He talked about dating. I didn't.

Now, it's a well-known fact that bringing a puppy to the park is a great way to meet women. Shadow, however, was far from a puppy and liked to bark at any women that slowed down to watch us play catch. They moved along quite quickly then.

"She's not a very friendly dog, is she?" Rich yelled.

«Just a little possessive,» I thought. "Nah, she can be really friendly once you get to know her." Just in case, I tried not to look at any women in the park, and just to be on the extra-safe side, I avoided looking at anyone else's dog too.

When we got tired of playing catch, we got some fast food for a late lunch and ate it on the benches in front of the shop. It was just too pretty a day to be inside.

I unwrapped one of the burgers and put the tray down on the ground for Shadow. Rich just stared at me like I had lost my senses. "That can't be good for her."

"Oh, but it's good for you?" I asked.

I squirted some ketchup on Shadow's fries just to see the expression on Rich's face. Shadow drank her Dr. Pepper through the straw and he just stared. "That's one smart dog," was all he could manage.

We ate in silence for a while before Rich spoke up again. "I saw those drawings on your drafting table," Rich said quietly. Shadow looked up and I nearly choked on my burger. "Since when do you draw werewolves?"

I blushed and Shadow's eyes flashed between Rich and myself. "Um, I just started."

Both Shadow and Rich stared at me while my mind searched frantically for a reasonable story.

"Did you notice the empty Popsicle box?" I asked him. "I got myself so wired up on sugar last night that I stayed up until dawn drawing. I guess having a dog in the house got me thinking about wolves and werewolves," I laughed in relief.

"What about the teenage girl?" he asked with a smile.

I hoped he hadn't seen Shadow's clothes making a path to the bedroom. "Just a cute girl I saw once when I was out for a walk."

He started to laugh and put his hands up to his chest to indicate breasts. I had forgotten that Shadow had been topless.

"Rich," I said, "you have no art in your soul. If you ever saw the Venus de Milo, you would probably say 'She has a nice rack.' "

Rich slapped his knee and laughed out loud. "It's not my fault that the chick is well-built."

I smiled in relief and Shadow went back to her meal.


	31. Full Moon

After Rich left, Shadow and I spent the rest of the evening sitting around the apartment. It felt really good just to be with her.

Shadow had me experiment with other kinds of magic. I tried to control electricity and see into the past. I tried to make a flower bloom and look through a wall. I didn't have much success.

Reading thoughts and introducing new ones seemed to be my greatest strengths and Shadow thought it might come in very handy if I ever met up with one of those scientists. "A good way to escape," she said.

Shadow figured that other powers might appear at some point and that I should experiment occasionally to see if any were developing. It seemed like sound advice to me. I would hate to accidentally use a power that I didn't know I had.

Shadow told me stories of how the scientist mages would steal away young mages who had just developed their powers. She said that the ones that agreed to work for them would invent great magicks from laboratories they had stashed away in other worlds. Then they would dole out some of the older magicks to the rest of the science community once they had decided the public was ready to believe it was science.

The young mages that didn't agree had strange and unfortunate accidents.

I don't know if I believed what she was telling me, but I knew better than to voice my doubts aloud. «Keep an open mind,» I told myself. «Who knows what's really out there.»

Shadow posed for a real drawing in crinos that evening. We agreed to keep the drawings hidden away. No one else needed to know what a werewolf _really_ looks like.

I suppose it was fairly foolish of me to make a drawing like that, but it made me feel good, and it made Shadow feel beautiful.

She cried when she saw it and wrapped her arms around my neck.

A new feeling was stirring inside me, and I just held her and smiled.

# # #

I woke up while it was still dark. The shades were open now and I blinked several times as my eyes adjusted to the dim light. Shadow was sitting naked on top of the covers, her arms wrapped around her knees, her face smiling at the moon.

I stretched and yawned, but she ignored me, so I sat up beside her and pulled her close. The moon was high in the sky and looking very small.

She put a hand to my leg and lightly stroked the soft fur.

"I thought werewolves only change when the moon is full."

"A myth," she said and continued to stare out the window.

"So if the moon doesn't affect werewolves, then why are you staring at it like that?"

"I never said the moon doesn't affect us," she whispered. "It just doesn't control us. If I want to change, I change. If I don't want to, I don't."

"I see," I said, but I really didn't.

I suppose she could tell that because she went on. "The Garou are tied to the moon. I can feel it in my blood. It's so powerful to me that I can't imagine _not_ being able to feel it."

She seemed so happy right then. I wished that I could feel this connection as well.

I caressed her back as I listened to her words. She growled happily. "What does it feel like?"

She shrugged a little, searching for words. "I feel happy when the moon is waxing, and sad when it's waning. I feel alive when it rises, and sleepy when it sets. During a new moon I feel empty. During a full moon…"

Her words tapered off and it made me wonder. «What _does_ a full moon do to werewolves?» Legends are usually based on some piece of truth.

"During a full moon you raid the village and eat small children," I volunteered for her.

She looked at me for a moment out of the corner of her eye, smiling. She chomped a couple of times on the air and let her teeth click together. It wouldn't have been frightening, if she weren't who she was.

She turned her eyes back to the moon, voice unchanged. "You don't think I can control it when the moon is full, do you?"

I thought back to the first night I had met her. How long ago had it been, almost a month? Certainly the moon must have been full on one of the nights we walked together. She was always there, wasn't she? And I had walked every night, hadn't I? Was she just playing around now, or were the legends true?

"_Legends_ say you can't," I said with a swallow.

"Ahhhh, so then it has to be true," she said. "That's why so many mutilated bodies keep showing up after every full moon. Why, it's amazing that anyone is still left in the city with all of us around to prey on you."

I could see she was just teasing me. I'm sure some people went missing every year, but there was no gory trend in the papers, not like in all those awful movies. She glanced at me out of the corner of her eye once more, sizing up my reaction.


	32. Religion

"Legends say we're demons too," she said. "Do you believe that?"

I laid back on the bed and put my hands behind my head, hoping she would lay down with me. She continued to stare at the moon.

"No. I don't think you're a demon. Do you?"

"I used to. For a while, I did."

"I don't believe in the devil," I told her casually.

"You should," she said. "God, the devil, it's real Alex."

I stared at her back for a long moment, waiting. "So lycanthropy is how God marked Cain or something?"

"No. I'm not talking about Christianity or Buddhism or any of your human religions, Alex." I wished she would look at me. I wanted to see her face, her expression. "Garou society has been around a long time. We're magickal creatures. God made us for a reason."

I sighed and she turned back to face me.

"You don't believe me."

"Shadow, that's the problem with religion. Everyone has their own personal beliefs about the afterlife and since there's no way to tell until you're dead - and then it's obviously too late - how can you ever say that any one belief is right or wrong?"

Shadow just stared at me, unblinking, for a while before turning back to the moon. "We don't have to make up our religions," she said. "This is not something other werewolves told me. The Garou can speak to the spirits of the dead. If we want to know how things are, we just ask. When I say these things are true, I'm not telling you what I believe. I'm telling you what is true."

I suddenly got a terrible chill and goose bumps rose on my flesh.

"You're a mage, Alex," she continued. "Perhaps you will be able to talk to them too."

This conversation was really giving me the creeps. One of the most important things about religion was that it was not something you could prove. Somehow that made mortality a little less frightening. I wanted to make it go away so I wouldn't have to think about higher powers and reasons for existence. I wanted to, but I just couldn't stop my mind from focusing on it. It was like a sore tooth that you just can't stop touching with your tongue.

"So, if God made you for a reason…"

Shadow slumped a bit and I couldn't find the words to continue. She pulled back the sheets and set me down in them. She curled up beside me and pulled my arm around her waist. "Go to sleep," she whispered.

I held her to me silently, but my mind kept wandering. «Why _would_ God create a werewolf?»

I kissed the back of her neck and gave her a squeeze. "So, if God made you for a reason, then what is it?"

I could feel her muscles tense up as I talked. I kissed her neck again, but it didn't seem to help.

"Didn't your parents ever tell you not to ask questions that you don't want answered?" she whispered. She rolled over and put her face an inch away from my own.

I could feel her breath on my lips. I kissed her softly. "Tell me?"

Shadow sighed and rolled over on top of me, her face just in front of mine. She crouched over me like a predator, not a lover. "You know what I look like," she said. Her voice was quiet, but not a whisper. It was a little menacing. I smiled and she shook her head. "Not _this_ body. My _true_ self."

I nodded and started to smile again. Even in crinos form, her body was beautiful, muscular, …dangerous. She was a predator, the most awesome kind I had ever seen.

"Gaia, God, created us as warriors."

I could see that she would make a good warrior, but what war was she supposed to be fighting? Was her race survivors from a mythical age? "There's no war…?"

"The Wyrm, what you know as the devil, has its warriors too," she said in the same frightening tone.

I shook my head. "But there's no war…"

"Of course there's a war, Alex. A war that's been going on since before mankind learned how to farm. A war between good and evil. A war fought in the shadows where humans can't see. A war where the bodies disappear before sunrise. A war that exists just like the Garou, hidden in plain sight."

Again, a cold shiver crept up my spine. I wanted to know more, but then again, I didn't.

"You've seen my scars."

Shadow crawled back under the covers. This time her body was not touching mine. I wanted to hold her, but I was afraid.

"I was created to fight the Wyrm's minions, and when I have taught you enough that you don't pose a threat to my people, I will go back to the battle." Her voice became a whisper once more. "And I will die there. Now, go to sleep."


	33. Monday, May 29th

Shadow groaned and threw her pillow at the alarm clock that I had set up on the other side of the room. I could see that it was making her grouchy so I got up and turned it off. I brought her pillow back to her.

"There's a wolf in my bed," I announced.

She giggled softly. "Keep your voice down," she whispered, "or everyone will want one."

I sat beside her and stroked her hair. "I have to go to work this morning."

Shadow nodded without opening her eyes.

"You're not going to follow me to work, are you?"

Shadow shook her head, eyes still closed.

"Even though I'm your ward…?"

"I was giving you crap yesterday. I wanted to be with you."

I felt a little ache in my heart. I wanted to be with her too.

"You're coming back right after work, right?" she whispered.

"Wild horses couldn't keep me away." I kissed her cheek and saw her smile.

"About what I said last night…?"

I gave her a hug and whispered "It doesn't change a thing."

# # #

Over the weeks that followed, Shadow and I were nearly inseparable. We experimented with my magick and I learned to release the weirdness. Mind tricks became almost second nature.

The weirdness never took the same form twice. Once it left me feeling disoriented and paranoid. Once it brought me preternaturally bad luck. Once it blew all the breakers and made every telephone salesman in the state call one-right-after-another.

Shadow helped me through it all. She told me stories and I drew her portraits. I couldn't remember a time that I was more happy.

I would work days and she would spend some time with her friends. Sometimes she would stay out late and come back to me after dark, but she always came back.

She told me about the ways of the Garou and of the pack. She told me how important they were to her. Even though I had never really met Jack, her pack leader, I knew what he meant to her. She would die to protect him. She would do anything he ever told her to do.

Whatever he said was law.

**Monday, May 29****th**

I thought I heard a noise. I wiped the sleep from my eyes and looked around the room, but couldn't see a thing in the inky darkness. "Shadow? Is that you?" I whispered. A hand grabbed me from underneath the covers and I nearly shrieked.

Shadow pulled back the blanket and planted a soft kiss on my lips. Sweat flavored her skin with salt and she panted hard, working to catch her breath. She has an endurance that I can not imagine and I had never seen her winded before. I reached out for her and my hands found bare flesh. She was burning like a flame and the sheets were damp with her perspiration. "Are you okay? When did you come in?"

I glanced at the clock, but couldn't make out the time. There weren't many digits, so it had to be after midnight.

"It's late," she whispered. Time means nothing to her beyond day, night, morning, and evening. "The pack wanted to go out for a run and I couldn't slip away until they were exhausted."

I tried to imagine how far the Garou could run before they got tired. How many hours?

She laid down on her back and I peeled the covers away so she could cool off. I listened to her heavy breathing and thought about her words. '…slip away…' wandered through my mind, out of place. I knew they didn't want her near me, but I thought they had conceded to it when Shadow had convinced them to spare my life. Had her pack leader changed his mind?

"Did… Jack… say something to you?" I asked nervously, not certain I wanted to know the answer.

Shadow put her hands over her face and moaned. "He can be such a jerk sometimes," she whispered in the darkness.

I didn't like the sound of this. If he ordered her to leave me, then she would have to do it. And if she left… What would I do then? I couldn't imagine what life would be like without her. I knew just how much she meant to me and I thought perhaps she felt the same. Neither of us had ever voiced it. How could we? We weren't even the same species. What could be more absurd then a human and a werewolf in love?

Mom once told me that love conquers all. That was easy for her to say, though. The only time Dad stood on all fours was when he was weeding the garden.

I wondered if Romeo feared Juliet's family half as much as I feared Shadow's.

I listened to her panting. Neither of us said a word.

I climbed out of bed and wet down a washcloth with warm water.

"What's this for?" she asked when I returned, but I just shushed her and began to wash away her perspiration.

Shadow growled softly in the back of her throat as I pampered her. It made me feel so good to hear that sound. "No one has ever treated me the way you do," she whispered. "I can't imagine…"

The words hung there, unsaid, and the silence began to stretch.

I waited, but she wouldn't say it. I thought I was going to scream.

"You've already taught me everything you were going to teach me, haven't you?" I said. Both of us knew it was true. The last lesson she had given me was well over a week ago. Everything I needed to discover from here on out would be on my own or from one of my own kind, if I ever found one.

I couldn't see her face. I didn't have to. She sat up and wrapped her arms around me. There was nothing for either of us to say.

She had told me long ago what would happen when she was finished teaching me.


	34. Jack

Shadow slept through breakfast, so I knew she had to be tired. I gathered my things together as quietly as I could, stopping by the bedside before I left.

Shadow had kicked back the sheets again. She slept curled up, without even laying her head on a pillow.

I carefully pulled the sheet back over her and watched her yawn wide. She opened her eyes and looked at my work clothes. "No," she groaned. She reached out and grabbed my pants leg.

"There's a sleepy wolf in my bed," I whispered.

"There's a lonely wolf in your bed," she whispered back.

"I have to 'sing for my supper', Shadow," I said as I caressed her face. "Not all of us can 'huff and puff and blow your house in'."

She chuckled at my lame joke and released my pants leg in exchange for a soft kiss.

There came a heavy pounding on my door.

"What the hell…?" I said and strode to answer it.

I unlocked the door and it burst open. A blonde man in his early twenties stood there, dressed in a grimy tee-shirt and ragged jeans. His face was lean and his body muscular. He was not as tall as myself, but there was something in his steel-blue eyes, something frightening.

He glanced at me for less than a quarter of a second before walking past, toward my open bedroom door. He didn't even push me out of the way. It was as if I weren't there at all.

No one had to tell me that this was Jack.

I dashed around him and put my body between him and the doorway. I put my hand to his chest and stared into his eyes.

The man scared me, and not just because I knew he was a werewolf. Shadow had been right about humans being able to sense the beast that hid just under the skin. I was afraid, but it didn't matter. I would not let him take her away from me.

Jack stared back at me with unblinking eyes. I imagined him trying to stare me down like I was a wolf challenging him for control of the pack.

"Beat it," he said. He didn't yell or command. His words were totally matter-of-fact, as if I were just hanging about, not standing in his way.

"No one tells me what to do in my own house," I said.

He didn't react. His expression didn't change. Perhaps he respected that it was my own territory.

"I have to talk to Shadowfist… privately," he said just as casual as before.

I stumbled for words, trying to think of something to say.

"It's okay," I heard Shadow say from behind me.

I turned and saw her standing in the doorway. She had pulled on her jeans, but her chest was still bare, her shirt in her hands.

It felt terribly wrong and strange to have her undressed in front of him, but he didn't seem to notice or care.

"Take a walk around the block," Jack told me without emotion.

I glanced back at Shadow and she nodded.

"I'll be okay," she said. "Perhaps you could just give us a few minutes to talk?"

'Okay,' I mouthed and turned back to Jack. I refused to let his stare bother me.

He walked me to the doorway and stood there as I walked down the stairs.

I looked back from the bottom of the steps. "Go," he said.

I looked up from the street and saw him open one of the blinds. He stared at me again and I started walking.

I had hoped that I would burn off my anxiety with exercise. If Jack had wanted us dead, he wouldn't have sent me off on a walk.

I walked at a brisk pace, but so many questions tumbled through my head. Was he demanding that she leave me? Would she agree to that? How do werewolves settle their disagreements if neither back down?

When I got back to the apartment building, my door was still wide open. So was Mrs. Chin's, and she stood there, staring up at my door.

She gave me a confused look when she noticed me. She seemed upset. "They were yelling. Very loud," she told me. "Screaming. I call police. Friends of yours?" she asked.

"Not exactly." I thanked her for calling the police - even though I wished she hadn't - and I rushed up the steps.

As I reached the top of the stairs, Jack stepped out of my doorway. His right eye was darkened and almost swollen shut. She must have punched him. I knew how strong she was. «Good,» I thought.

Both of us just stood there and as the seconds passed I watched the swelling go down, the blue fade to yellow and then tan. The white of his eye drained slowly from blood-red back to white. He looked the same as when he had arrived. Again he walked by me as if I were not there.

I rushed into the apartment without even closing the door. "Shadow? Are you okay?"

Shadow was laying on her side in front of my bedroom door. I could hear her crying, but her hands covered her face. There was a lot of blood. Her hands were coated and there was a puddle of it on the floor, under her head.


	35. So Much Blood

"Omigod! Omigod!" I yelled as I rushed to her. I was afraid to move her, so I touched her very lightly.

She continued to cry and her hands still covered her face. "I'm sorry," she sobbed. "This was all my fault."

I know that I babbled then, but I am not sure what I said. I can't remember if I asked her what happened or if she was all right or if I told her that it was my fault, not hers.

"I'll call an ambulance," I insisted, but she grabbed my wrist with a vice-like grip.

I gasped and stared in horror at what her hand had hidden. His punches had shattered her cheekbones and the rims around her eye sockets. If not for the clothes and her hair, I would not have recognized her as someone I knew.

"No. It will heal," she said through bubbles of blood. "It will heal before they could even get here."

I rushed by her and grabbed the damp washcloth from where I had left it on the night stand. I returned to her side and started to wipe away the blood.

She was crying too hard to talk, and when she could she just apologized.

I didn't know what to say. I couldn't tell her how much I hated Jack right then.

She apologized for Jack also, and the hurt fueled my anger. How could she defend him? There was no excusing what he had done.

Within a few minutes, her face had healed. She sat up and her tears slowed as I washed her with the blood-red cloth. I had to rinse it out twice and I had not even tried to soak up the puddle. She smiled softly at me and I could see that even the teeth she had swallowed had grown back.

"Jack is right," she said. "You and I could never be… I was a fool. I wanted it to be so much that I didn't even think about it."

She stood and walked past me. I tried to stop her. "No! He's wrong! There has to be a way!"

I followed her down the stairs, begging. I said everything I could think of, everything other than the one thing I wanted to say most of all: "I love you."

When she got to the street, she started to run. I ran after her, but suddenly she was on all fours and she sped out of sight.

I stood there for a while, cursing myself and trying to catch my breath.

I hurried back toward the apartment to get my car keys. A hand grabbed my shoulder as I tried to mount the stairs, stopping me in my tracks. "Hold it right there, mister."

"No. He live upstair," Mrs. Chin told the policeman. "Boy and girl fight."

She must have been very upset. The only time I ever heard her speak with broken English was when she was frustrated with her kids.

I led the police reluctantly upstairs. I told them that Carla was a homeless girl who had given me a sob story and I had allowed to sleep on my couch. They stared at the blood on my hands, the splatter on the walls, the puddle in the doorway.

I could feel them wondering if she had been a prostitute or if I had 'taken advantage' of her. I could see the trouble brewing, but it was a simple task to dangle a few thoughts for their minds to grasp. I didn't try to take away their suspicions. I just convinced them that it had been a humanitarian thing to do.

I wiped up the puddle of blood with the washcloth. I said that her brother had visited and that I had given them some space so they could talk. I said that he must have punched her because her nose was bleeding when I got back.

They started to imagine Jack as her pimp and wondered why there had been so much blood.

I didn't have time for any of this crap. If I was ever going to get her back, I had to go after her now. The police were only making this harder than it had to be.

I could feel reality start to tear inside of me, but I didn't care. I gave them whatever thoughts I hoped would make them happy.

They didn't rob me.

I didn't know where Carla or Jack had gone.

I didn't expect I'd ever see them again.

It didn't get as ugly as they imagined.

I hadn't done anything wrong.

I couldn't help them any more.

I couldn't give them a good description of either.

I promised to call them if I ever saw Carla or Jack again, and I told them that I would try to talk her into pressing charges if I ever got the chance. When they eventually left, I didn't feel any suspicion left in their mind.

Their questioning had taken a lot out of me, but I knew where I had to go. I got in my car and drove.

They did not follow.


	36. Challenge

I drove to where I had met the pack before, fuming the whole way. Jack had hurt the woman I loved. It didn't matter that she had healed. What did matter was that he had made her leave me.

I got out of my car and waited. Shadow had tried to explain the Garou's connection to the caern. I knew it wouldn't take them long to feel me invade their territory.

It didn't.

The pack approached quickly until they were close enough to recognize me, then they slowed down to a stroll.

Jack walked up to me with a casual air. "She's not here," he said.

"You and me," I said. "Right here. Right now," I realized that this was an incredibly stupid (and macho) thing to do, but Shadow had told me how much the Garou respected a 'fair challenge'. Many Garou only respect strength.

Jack just smirked. "Yeah. Right," he said as he turned away and began to walk off.

I'm not really proud of this since it was the kind of thing the bad guy usually did to the good guy in your typical action flick, but I hated him so much right then that I couldn't see straight. Besides, I knew I didn't stand a chance against him in a fair fight.

I jumped him from behind and slammed both of my fists into the top of his back. I knocked him to the ground and started kicking him as hard as I could. I thought I felt something in his ribcage snap.

The next thing I knew, I was on top of his chest, hitting him with my fists. The blows were making solid, meaty sounds and I was shouting obscenities. Blood was spraying across the asphalt and I didn't stop until my hands hurt too much to hit him again.

I sat back on my heels, panting and listening to the choking sounds he made.

I watched as his face healed.

It took only seconds.

He sat slowly up and spit out the blood that was making his laughs sound like gasps for breath.

He stared at me.

He laughed at me.

Jack grabbed my shirt with one hand and tore it off of my body as if it were made of rotten silk. He wiped the blood from his face while he laughed.

He laughed as if my attacking him were the funniest thing that ever had happened.

I wanted to hit him again, but I didn't have it in me… not that it would have mattered if I had. I had not even hurt him as much as he had hurt Shadow.

Jack tossed the bloody rag aside as he stood.

I looked at the others, but they seemed relaxed, apathetic.

"Forget her," Jack told me. "Forget you ever met her."

"I can't do that," I said.

Jack turned to walk away, but I had not been beaten yet. I had issued a challenge and I intended to see it through… one way or another.

I stood and reached out into Jack's mind. I felt the sticky web of his thoughts. I gave it a shove. A hard one.

I felt the tear open wider inside of me, but I didn't care.

Jack put his hands to the sides of his head and shrieked in pain. The pack spun about, ready to defend their leader.

"No!" he shouted at them as he shifted to crinos. "Fair… challenge," he roared and pounced.

Now I was really scared.

I was no hero. I didn't have any silver bullets. I didn't even have the woman I loved.

I shoved at Jack's mind again as I rolled to the side.

Jack fell to the ground. He howled at the top of his lungs and grabbed his massive head in pain.

I scrambled to my feet and stared at him, hunched over in agony. He shrieked and I felt terrible for doing it.

It wasn't like in the movies where the hero and villain are rolling around on the ground, struggling for their lives. It was like I was torturing a helpless victim. For a moment, it didn't matter that he wanted to kill me.

I released his mind and his face flashed up to meet my own. The pain had released him instantly. I stared at the blood that had bubbled up from his nose, his mouth, and from around his eyes.

If I didn't have it in me to kill him, then I had worse than a tiger-by-the-tail.

Jack pounced and I dropped to the ground, letting him sail over me. He moved in slow motion, claws slashing at empty air. I stared in horror as the wall of muscle and fur sailed over.

I pushed his mind again, just for a moment, and stopped as the unearthly wail of pain returned. I couldn't do it… not even to him.

I scrambled to my feet as he circled around on all fours. His eyes were glowing with rage. I could hear the rest of the pack yelling, cheering, telling Jack to tear me apart. Even if I survived this, would they let me live?

I felt the weirdness growing inside of me. How much more of this could I do before I destroyed myself? Was it like Cooper had told Shadow? Was that all Jack was waiting for?

I had to find some way to force him to concede, to make him show his throat. That was the only way I could win this fight without killing him.

I felt the power flowing through the lines beneath my feet. I felt the power flowing into the caern, begging me to tap into it. Could I do it? Could I break my promise to Shadow?

Jack's muscles tensed as he prepared to pounce again, and then suddenly, he vanished behind a wall of dark-brown fur.

"What the…?" I gasped.

I took a step back to see that Shadow was there, also in crinos, standing between us.

"No!" she howled at Jack.

"Challenge!" he howled back.

"You… no… challenge!" she screamed at her pack leader.

"Jack didn't," one of the other pack members called out. "Your _boyfriend_ challenged _him_. All of us heard it. It was a fair challenge."

"Yeah, we did," another one answered.


	37. Shadow

"What?" she howled and turned her huge head back over her shoulder to look at me.

Suddenly, Shadow's towering form folded over. She gripped her muscled stomach in pain. She made a choking sound and started to gasp for breath.

The spectators began to laugh.

I knew then that Jack must have hit her in the gut while she was looking at me. "Shadow!" I screamed and threw my arms around her.

The pack's laughter doubled and one of them started to mock her in a sing-song voice "Shadow! Shadow! No one's afraid of their Shadow!"

Shadow rested her palms on the ground as she tried to vomit. Dry heaves wracked her massive body and I thought that I would cry.

"Shut up!" I shouted at the others, totally ignoring Jack. He could have been standing right behind me for all I cared. All I could see was my beautiful Shadow in pain.

The others laughed at me and continued to mock and tease. "Shadow's got morning sickness… again!" one laughed.

"Not again!" another chimed in.

"What?" I gasped. I stared as Shadow shrank back to her human-looking self. She wiped her mouth and looked up at me, her brow knitted together in worry.

"I didn't want you to know," she whispered. She gave me an uneasy smile. "It's okay… as long as I stay out of crinos…" she explained. She looked down at her hands and rested them on her thighs. "My body doesn't want that."

"I thought that Jack had hit you," I whispered and touched her tummy.

She smiled and put a hot hand to my cheek. "Jack would never risk hurting my cubs. He would do anything to protect them… and me too," she whispered.

"But he…"

Shadow just shook her head. We were so very different.

I looked over at Jack, now that I could see over Shadow. He had returned to his human shape as well, and stood with arms crossed over his chest. I couldn't tell if the fight was finished or if he was just waiting for Shadow to get out of the way.

"But… I love you," I said and sat down in front of her.

"You know I love you too," she said.

My head felt light. I hadn't. I had just hoped.

I closed my eyes and tried to hold back the tears as more emotions hit me. "Jack is the father, isn't he?" I whispered.

He was the alpha male. What he said was law. It hurt so bad to imagine it, but I couldn't push the images from my mind.

I could see her with her pack while I was at work. She wanted to break away from them so she could be with me, but she couldn't disobey Jack.

I imagined him in crinos, bending her over, forcing her head down with a gigantic, clawed hand. I could see him pulling down her raggedy jeans.

I could hear her begging. She wouldn't disobey, she just asked that it not happen that way. She wanted to feel like a woman, not like an animal, not like a monster. I had felt that in her every time we touched.

That's why I had meant so much to her.

I opened my eyes and looked at her shocked and hurt expression.

"But… you're their father, Alex," she whispered.

"What?" I gasped. "But I'm… and you're… we're not even the same species!"

Shadow shook her head and tried to smile. "Garou are forbidden to mate with other Garou. It's like inbreeding. We have to mate with humans or wolves if we want healthy cubs. I thought perhaps you didn't understand, but I was afraid I'd lose you if I explained it." She snuffled and wiped away a tear.

My head was spinning. I was going to be a father. I put my arms around her and pulled her gently to my chest. "But…?"

"That first night…" she explained, "I wanted you to get me pregnant. I wanted to have pups so bad, before I lost the chance. But then I fell in love with you. That's why I kept coming back, even after I knew."

I felt used. Actually, I didn't know how I should feel. "How long have you known? Did you have a test?"

Shadow grinned at the question. "Two weeks, and no, I don't need a test. The entire pack could smell the change." I could feel my cheeks redden.

I looked up at Jack's impassive face. "I'm taking her back with me," I said, thankful my voice did not break.

"No," he said unemotionally, "you're not."

"Shadow, come run away with me," I begged.

"I can't," she said as the tears began anew. "My life is here. Not behind a white picket fence. My place is here. The pack is my family."

"Marry me and I'll be part of your family too."

She shook her head. "You can't marry a wolf. If the roles were reversed, you would have to raise the child without me."

"You can't keep me away from my own child."

"I have to," she said. "You have no place here."

"Then I'll build a place for me here. I'll build a place for the two of us. I will make us fit."

She just shook her head. "The elders will never allow that."

My mind raced. I could not allow her to deny me this. This was the most the important thing in my life. It was even more important than it had been for me to learn I was a mage.

"You said the elders would never allow me to see the caern, but they did," I told her. "You said they'd kill me, but they didn't. You said you'd kill me yourself, but you couldn't."

I couldn't help but smile.

I thought I saw her smile as well.

"All I need is for you to believe in me, and I will make it work."

"I _do_ believe in you, Alex. I do."

I looked back up to shoot Jack a challenging stare, but the pack was already walking away. I wondered if that meant he approved of me or that he just didn't think I posed a threat.


	38. Tuesday, October 14th, 3 years later

«The nights are starting to get cold again,» I thought as I lay awake in bed.

The room looked like a tornado had hit it. Clothes, books, drawings, and who-knows-what-else were stacked over almost every possible inch - leaving just a narrow, treacherous path to the bed.

The bed itself was no better. It was turned at a funny angle with the foot of the bed facing the large, picture windows. There was no doubt about it, my housekeeping is not what it used to be.

I stared out at the moon as it peeked up over the run-down buildings, and I felt the cold as it leaked in around the drafty, old windows. It chilled my cheeks and nose.

The dim light glinted off of a small object at the foot of the bed and I gave it a little shove from under the covers. It toppled to the floor and quiet, tinny music crept out from under the bed. I closed my eyes and listened. The batteries were weak. "Mary had a little lamb, little lamb…" I smiled.

A hot arm wrapped itself around my chest and Shadow started to growl in her sleep. I wondered if she was dreaming about running with the pack or chasing a rabbit. It sounded like one of her happy growls.

Shadow put her teeth to my skin and gave me a little nip in her sleep. I jumped only a little.

"Careful with the fangs, sweety," I whispered to her and she released me, the bite becoming a series of soft licks.

I stared some more at the moon and savored the quiet from the nursery. I knew that Shadow would leave in a bit when the moon's pull got too strong. She'd run and scrap with the pack for hours, but for the moment she belonged here.

Living with a werewolf turned out to be easier than anyone ever expected. The elders had really given us very little grief when I told them I intended to marry Shadow. In fact, they just smiled.

Perhaps they were happy for her, happy that she had found love. Perhaps they were surprised by my bravery or foolishness, but after attacking Jack with my magick, neither of those should have been in doubt. Perhaps they figured that I would just leave on my own when I realized how hard it is to keep what I was taking.

I didn't find it that hard at all. Sure, Shadow gets pretty moody when the moon is full, and the cubs can be a handful, but that's to be expected.

The cubs are really great. We picked out Kyle and Samantha as names, but everyone calls them DarkFang and Trixi.

The little nipper, Fang, really takes after his mom. He loves to roughhouse with his Uncle Jack and the rest of the pack. Trix is a real sweety and she loves her brother dearly. I'd like to say that she takes after me (the refrigerator is _covered_ with artwork in crayon), but I can see a lot of both of us in both of them. Trix has Jack and Teacher of Cubs wrapped around her little fingers and I swear that Fang can tell when I'm lying.

Will they someday learn to do magick? Will they sprout fur and grow claws? I don't know. They do love to howl at the moon with their uncles. Actually, Trix loves to howl at the moon. Fang likes to howl at anything.

My family turned out to be more trouble than hers. Mom was quite pissed when she found out I got married. She wouldn't talk to me for a month until it finally drove her nuts enough to call. I could see that both my folks were pretty uncomfortable with Shadow and not the least bit pleased with how young she is, but they do love being grandparents.

They won't come over to the house to visit (the neighborhood makes them jumpy), but they make me bring the kids over all the time. They spoil them silly and get them all wired-up on sugar.

Samantha likes to follow her grandma around and talk to her stuffed dog named Kitten. Kyle likes to roughhouse with grandpa even though grandpa will only pretend he's a wolf and not turn into one like his _imaginary_ friend, Jack. God help me if grandpa ever meets Jack.

Rent goes a lot farther in this part of town - which is a good thing since the kids inherited their mom's appetite. I suppose it's not the best place in the world to raise kids, but no one ever messes with my family.

We did have one break-in when the cubs were infants. Fortunately for the burglar, Jack was crashed out on the couch when he snuck in. Apparently, Jack just dropped him back out the window he had crept in without ever waking either of us up.

I suppose Jack's understated way of dealing with things that are not really threats may have made some impact on him. I know I would have given him a lesson he wouldn't have forgotten so quickly, and I don't even want to think about what Shadow would have done to him if she had woken up.

Jack turned out to be a much more decent guy than I ever would have guessed. He's not as rough with Shadow anymore, even when she's being stubborn. Violence between the Garou is something that I don't like, but you do learn to accept it. They have to let it vent some and they control it much better than I would have guessed. A broken arm to them is like a spanking to a child.

Needless to say, discipline in our family works a little differently from how it does in a pack.

Shadow's life is a dangerous one, so we live each day like it might be her last.

She makes a good mom though, despite the fact that she tells a different version of "The Three Little Pigs" and "Little Red Riding Hood" than the ones I heard when I was growing up.


End file.
